Page 115 of The Catch

"Maybe we can make it into a tradition. If I have to go play for another team…"

I don't know what makes me say that. Once upon a time, weeks before I sacrificed myself as her rebound and just after her breakup, we talked about what would happen if I end up leaving. In a few words, I told her she could keep living in my condo for as long as she needed to.

That's still true, even as it takes a new shape inside of me.

Whether I stay or go, I want her to live with me.

That won't happen if she doesn't want to do this new thing with me, or if I end up on the other end of the country.

Fuck.

"I don't like to think about you leaving," she whispers.

"I don't like to think about it, either."

This is scary. How to tell her I offered to teach her how to end things, and now I want to try for forever with her. How to tell her that even if I have to leave, I don't want to leave this thing between us. How to find a way to tell Pablo I'm possibly in love with Ames.

"Then let's not think about it," she says. "Evie told me you might get MVP. They willhaveto keep you, right? No way they can give away the MVP."

"That's the hope."

"Ugh. Saint. Lie to me if you have to, why don't you? Tell me you'll stay here in this city."

"I can't lie to you," I say. "And I can't make promises I don't know if I can keep."

I need to be careful. So careful, to promise things I know I can do.

I can promise I'll give it my all.

"Winning isn't entirely in my power," I add. "But we'll make it work."

"I know you'll do everything you can," she whispers.

"I will. So hard."

Could I commute? Sure. Some players do… when they have a family that needs to stay put, for the kids' school or the spouse's job. I'd be willing, for a relationship with Ames and for my friends. But it would take a toll, and maybe blacklist me with my new team. I wouldn't be spending much quality time with them, after all.

I can live with that, if it means living with Ames and our future. Staying in my friends' lives.

Another cold gust of air envelops me, but it doesn't affect me much. A source of heat has taken hold of my chest. It feels like determination.

"You never do things halfway." Her tone is wistful. "I know you'll be here if you say you will."

"Rule number seventy seven. You deserve their whole effort. I'll give you full effort."

"Saint." She laughs. "How many numbers did you skip there? I'm pretty sure you haven't given me more than ten rules. What were those again?"

If she's forgetting the things I told her about keeping things casual, I can't say that I'm upset. If I can start planting thoughts in her head about what I'd want to give her, that's a pretty good use of the rules game.

"Rule number one hundred twelve." I smile into the phone, even though she can't see it. "Forget about the rules, and go for what you want. I'll do the same."

"Yeah? What do you want?"

I gaze out to the city again. A million tiny lights flicker in the dark of the night. The kinetic energy of my quick-beating heart could power a million more.

"You," I say.

She stays silent for a second, two, five, and I hold my breath through it. Until she chuckles.