Page 112 of The Catch

His mouth remains in an amused angle. He's enjoying this thing a little too much.

"I'm not sassing you," he says. "I'm trying to do for you what you all did for me. You told me to not let Evie go. I'm telling you the same. Don't let Ames go."

I don't want to let her go. I haven't had enough time with her.

It's hard to believe it's been less than a month since I brought her to my lap and she let me hold her close. The fabric of reality itself changed after that night, stretching and deepening and carrying knowledge I never held before. Sex and life look different from this edge I'm so stubbornly clinging to. One where I'm teetering at the face of jumping into the unknown.

I shake my head. "You don't understand."

"Then explain," he insists.

I cross my arms, my chin on my chest as I think. None of my friends speak. Their eyes are fixed on me, tracking me as they wait for my response.

"I am not relationship material." The words rasp out of my mouth. "I'm a good time. I have fun. Always short term, never making any promises. They love it for a little while, then I let them go. Everyone knows that."

Logan frowns. "Bullshit."

I raise an eyebrow at him, like I take offense at his language.

"What our beloved quarterback means," Rafa says with full aplomb, "is that while that's true, it doesn't mean you can't have long-term romance, too."

"I've never sought long-term." I stare at him and rub my lips together. "Except once. A long time ago, I wanted to know if I could make one work regardless. Suffice to say, it didn't end well, and I learned my lesson."

"Of course it didn't end well." Bear is the one to frown this time. "I've never heard of a break up that went truly well. Even people who say they're going to be friends after— it never happens."

I shake my head. "It wasn't about that. I didn't go into it wanting to stay friends afterwards. It's more that… well. She knew me enough to know I can't make relationships last."

"What did she say?" Rafael asks.

I close my eyes. The look on her face is clear in my mind, like it happened yesterday.

Kylie was a pretty girl of light skin and lustrous brown hair. We'd known each other since my first day on campus, and had a casual on-and-off thing going. She knew me well enough, I thought, and I liked her a lot. Who better to try to fall in love with? To go the distance with?

But when I tried to make it official, she laughed.

I had just shown up with homemade pie to one of her classes, to walk with her back to her dorm. As soon as we were inside and I left dessert on her desk, she gazed at me with playful eyes and a dismissive curl to her lips.

Why are you doing all of this? Do you even know what it takes to be with somebody for a long time? You don't, the way you've always dated. Why would anyone risk their heart for someone like that? You're not Mister Right. Long term is not what you do. Why fake something else? It's only going to hurt people.

I stood there, frozen and eyes wide open. She was right. I had never sought love until then. I had never learned how to make it work. How to make sparks happen. Why would anyone choose someone like that for a real relationship?

Back then, she had placed a gentle hand on my face and smiled.

Don't hurt people, Saint. Not being an asshole is the best thing you have going for you. That and that sweet body, too, I guess.

Just like all those years ago, she laughs again in my memory. Like it did then, the ghost of it shocks me.

I echo her last words. "'Don't ruin the fun we're having with promises you can't keep.' She thought I was being ridiculous."

With no sparks and no affection, it never would have worked. It would have ended in hurt. On the other hand, no one would choose to go for it just in case. With a guy who's never proven to have what it takes, when it counts.

If Kylie was right at all, I can't go around wielding my hope like a weapon, offering forever when all I have is a dream and no guarantees. When pain is the most likely result.

I sigh. "I can't tell Ames how I feel. I don't want to hurt her, knowing I'll eventually disappoint her. She deserves so much more than that. Someone who can recite poetry and give her a happily ever after guaranteed."

That's why even asking the question in my mind is throwing me into a minefield, and pulling Amelia to walk through it with me.

Damián and Bear study me closely. Dom frowns. Logan continues to smirk.