Page 97 of Yours, For Good

"Save it for next time." I reached for the medal and ring in his mouth, and he let me take them.

I was eager for him too. The chain in my hand, I pulled down and gave him a demanding kiss.

I tugged. "Come inside me, Javier."

Then I put the ring and medal between my own teeth, and gave him a feline smile.

He came. A deep grunt left him, his face frozen in abject pleasure. He thrust once, twice more, and locked his shoulders to not fall on me.

My body turned soft, a placid feeling everywhere. It shone with a different type of warmth behind my breastbone. If I could admit as much, the glow felt a lot like… affection.

Yeah, I could admit as much. Letting myself even think of any other words for it would be premature. It would ruin the bliss we were in. I would rather focus on the perfection of Javier still inside of me, the adoration he kept on showing me, and the afterglow he reflected back at me.

"Come closer." I dropped his chain to my side as he lowered down to me. I caressed his hair. "I can take you like this."

"Holy shit, Nora. That smile."

I caressed his face now, the motion traveling up and through his hair. "You'll have to explain yourself, though."

"Huh?" He kissed my cheeks, my temple.

"You said you haven't had sex in four years… and yet you last this long?"

He chuckled into my neck. It brought him out of me, and we made strangled sounds at the sensation.

"I may not have had a partner," he finally said, "but I've been using my hand a lot of late."

I laughed, and he smiled in response.

"There's this person I really like, you see." He sought my eyes. "I feel so much for her, but I messed up."

My eyes softened.

"I told you I'd wait as long as you needed me to, Nora… and it doesn't mean it's been easy. I'm not ashamed to admit that my hand was the way I kept myself going. Imagining what doing this with you might feel like. What it might be like to have a relationship with you, waking up to see you next to me. To have you casually walking into the library downstairs, and us getting distracted and high on each other."

"You fantasized about us together."

"That's all I had for a while. I get this ache in my heart and all I can do about it is sigh. Hope. Close my eyes hard and imagine a future for us." He gave me a self-deprecating smile. "A lot of the time that ended up with my hand down my pants. That's confusing for a guy who didn't think he cared about sex that much, you know?"

I wrinkled my nose with humor. "I'm glad to know I'm not the only one confused about feeling all of this."

He kissed me. "You're not the only one. I didn't expect any of this to happen, but I have no intention of denying it."

I sighed. "I'm scared, Javier. I'm not done being hurt and you're not done rebuilding my trust, but giving us that time means doing things I promised myself I would never do."

He cradled my head as best he could, both naked, him on top of me on his bed. "Let us figure it out together, so I can show you who I truly am. So you decide if you want to forgive me. I don't know where we will go from here, or what kind of challenges life will bring… but I know I need to see it through."

"How long will you give me to make up my mind? Will you be patient as we find our way in the dark? Having sex and spending time together while I'm here in New York?"

"I'll give you as much time as you need."

"I know I'm asking for a lot."

"Ask for anything you need."

It was the right thing to say. My lips curled into my own tiny smile. I may not have known whether I could give him a second chance, or how long I would have him for if I did, but I could see it through… for a bit.

I nodded once. "Okay, then I'll ask this. Show me your life— the real life I didn't get to see when we were friends and I wrote to Mister B. Stop punishing yourself and stop taking it slow. Be yourself. Be the man I would have met if I had never needed the JGH or your program. I need to know who I would be risking everything for."