Page 89 of Yours, For Good

The view reminded me that, once upon a time, being in Manhattan like this, holding someone's hand, would have only belonged in the movies and not to my own life. I watched the buzz of people and flashing lights and it struck me— my life had changed. Just like I had hoped. After a night like tonight, it might change in ways I never counted on as well.

Javier didn't seem to spare people around us a second thought.

He glanced at me. "You smiled more tonight. I get it if you're still hurt and unsure but, maybe… you're less angry?"

He sounded so tentative that it stole another smile from me. I'd noticed his eager eyes all through the night, searching for me. Every time I caught him seeking me out, it softened my heart more and more.

Across the room, his attention pleaded for my mercy, while other people dropped crumbles of evidence in my ears that he had meant to do good. He had listened to what I said in my letters and cared enough to bring change to the JGH.

I sighed. "I've been thinking since… you know. Things in your office? The whole of that day, really. Non stop since… Christmas, in a way."

He nodded. The way he squeezed my hand seemed to be a reflex.

"I am still hurt, Javier. Still angry, but it's not bubbling up out of my pores anymore. As it goes away, though… I feel the pain more… the anxiety."

"Tell me, Nora. Please, let me help. I'll do anything."

"The thing is, I know deep in my gut you mean it. It helps, but it doesn't change that it's pretty clear we won't have friendship."

"Wh— What do you mean?" he stuttered. His next words came out rushed. "I think we can be friends… but friends who are also exploring something else. We can have friendship, too…"

"You said it yourself. Friendship isn't the same as romance, even if it's hard to define. Maybe that's part of the answer— lovers can be friends, but it's rare that lovers can go back to friendship… I think. I don't know, but it scares me."

"I don't want to lose you…"

"That's the exact issue. Despite everything, I don't want to lose you." I swallowed. "I wanted to place my bets on friendship because I know once formed it can last. I don't know how long I can have you for if we try something different."

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. People passed us by, a couple of them evidently annoyed that we had disrupted the flow.

He lifted his free hand to my face. "Is that enough reason not to try?"

"Maybe not if that's all that there was between us, but there's also the issue of trust. You kept me in the dark for so long, Javier. You made me a fool."

"I'll earn back your trust. I'll prove myself to you. Just, please… give me time." His words held the weight of urgency.

"What do you plan to do with that time?"

He dropped his forehead to mine. "I'll show you how reliable I can be. I'll always be there for you. I'll wait and take it as slow as you need me to. I'll prove I'm happy to take your lead and take every risk with you."

I covered his hand with mine on my face. "I need you to realize that if we do that and we get closer, the risk is higher. Maybe in one year or two you'll regret working so hard on it, and what if we break up then?"

"What if we discover we're magical together after all, and suddenly it's been twenty years, and we look back and marvel at where we are?"

My breathing came faster. He gazed at me with hope in the blue of his irises. It latched onto my heart and pulled, inviting me to consider a future like that for us.

"Do you really think we could work in the long term?" I asked.

He pulled me closer to the curb. Someone I hadn't seen strode past us, but we were safer here. Javier never stopped focusing on me, even as he kept us from being run over.

Him in his suit, me in my dress; together on a random Manhattan street, holding hands.

He caressed my face again. "You're nervous. I am too. It's okay. We can answer all these questions together."

All I could do was nod.

We ended up dancing in a random club we came across. This time I didn't have to beg or provoke; Javier led me to the place with a smile tilting his lips.

The music was loud enough to feel it beating in my chest. People in their best outfits danced around us, yet we were overdressed. Javier undid his bowtie and let it hang from his neck. I opened my overshirt buttons, the side panels hanging to my sides and leaving me in my bustier. He undid a couple of buttons of his formal shirt while his eyes dragged down my chest.