Page 83 of Yours, For Good

His eyes locked on my mouth. "I'd kiss you a thousand times, if I thought you wanted me to."

"Even if I can't answer anything else…" I took a fortifying breath. "I'm sure. I want to test if it feels as good… because if it doesn't…"

My half-finished thoughts vanished from my mind, and I pressed my lips to his mouth. My hands made it from underneath me to fist his shirt among my fingers and pull him as close to me as I could.

He cradled my head. He responded to my kiss tentatively at first, but soon matched fire with fire. He brought me to him, devastating me with the intensity of his kiss. His tongue devoured me. I gave him as much back. Blood rushed in my ears, a drum beating in my chest, and I ran my hands up his chest to his neck, to his nape, until my fingers swam in his hair.

It wasn't enough. Sitting at the edge of the seat, I opened my legs. He didn't need words to understand the message. Not letting go of my face, he shuffled forward on his knees, settling closer to me between my legs. His jeans rubbed against my sex— planets aligned, stars shone brighter in their galaxies, and we moaned at the same time.

His lips trailed to my jaw, down my neck. My earlobe made it between his teeth; a subtle, delicious pain shot straight to my lower belly.

He mumbled my name between nibbles and kisses. "Tell me what to do."

"Touch me…" my voice came out breathless.

He stopped. He pulled back just enough to look me in the eye.

His mouth hung loose in surprise and ardor, slightly swollen from the looks of it. "I meant what to do to prove myself to you."

I probably looked the same for similar reasons.

I sucked on my bottom lip. "The only thing I know I need is time… and I know I want you."

"Nora…"

"There's not much we can do about time… but there's plenty we can do about wanting each other. Regardless of where we end up emotionally."

He blinked a few times, clearly trying to understand exactly all the ways in which I meant those words.

"It's been… very long for me, Nora. Four years— at least. I want you in a way I haven't wanted in a decade, but I can't mess this up."

"Sex isn't going to mess this up. I've been to the doctor, I'm on the pill, and it's been a while for me, too— we can do this and figure out the rest later."

He frowned, fighting with his better sense no doubt. I hooked my legs behind his thighs and pulled him close. He hissed when he pressed into me.

Maybe he had reasons to hesitate.

"Have you been to the doctor? I went before leaving the JGH and haven't had partners since. If you haven't tested or we need to talk about a diagnosis or precautions—"

He shook his head. "I don't have anything. But doing this…"

"You do want me?" I asked.

"That's not the question. I want you— so much—" he pushed his erection against me in an unconscious move, and I gasped. "I might explode with need for you. I might hate myself for this tonight but…" He closed his eyes like he needed it to keep himself in control. "You don't trust me enough to have sex. This is too important— everything— I can't fuck it up. I don't want you to have any regrets."

In the middle of all of this, he put my feelings first.

Without noticing, my breath had quickened enough to make me lightheaded. The need for his hands on me only grew; his touch seemed like the only viable way to stay grounded in a world of uncertainty.

"Anchor me, Javier. Let your body be my tether— I need to get out of my head. I've been here all alone for months. Get me in my body again. Get me feeling something other than what I've been feeling."

"Nora."

My name on his lips was a concession. He kissed me again, passion rekindled instantly— it had never gone away.

"I want this," I said. "I want you. My heart can wait."

This time, he kissed my neck on the other side. Nibbled on the opposite earlobe. His hands ran down my arms, and fell on the soft flesh of my thighs. They trailed up until he could grab handfuls of the hills of my hips.