Page 79 of Yours, For Good

Could I forgive Javier for what he had done, and find out if he fit in my life?

I licked the chocolatey, black peppery goodness in front of me. A frown pulled on my brow as I gazed at the horizon, because I only knew part of the answer.

In the middle of a hot summer day at the beach, people sunbathed and kids built castles in the sand. Some people swam or went off shore in their kayaks; a few sailboats broke the waves, and all I could hear inside was I want Javier to fit in my life.

I started my walk back to my temporary home. After all the reading and writing I had done, I reached a few good conclusions. Yes, I still cared for Javier. Yes, relationships could be repaired. None of that meant I knew if it was worth putting all that effort, when chances were I'd have to grieve for him at some point or another anyway.

Love was still a loan. You may never get repaid for what you put into it. There were no guarantees that giving him a chance would lead to a long, happy relationship. Research suggested that seventy percent of relationships failed within the first year. What were the odds when the attempt started after duplicity? Giving him all that patience and hope, to maybe trust him again; investing so much to potentially end in the same place… it didn't make sense.

Why would anyone put themselves in the path of horrible pain?

But grief showed up anyway, because it meant I'd lost Javier. Anger swooped back in its coattails, because he'd hurt me.

I sighed. Maybe something like that led my mom to leave everything behind. At some point she faced the same questions, and decided to be alone… but that was a guess. I didn't have her, and I couldn't ask.

I came into the house through the kitchen door. Mrs. Semple cooked dinner, and she smiled in my direction.

"How was your walk?" she asked.

"Hot. I may need a shower."

"You should have taken your bathing suit and gotten in the sea."

"Oh, I'm not comfortable in the water."

"Maybe you could invite Javier again. He swims like a fish, he could teach you."

I laughed louder than the situation called for but didn't explain. "I'll be in my room working. Call me for dinner, please?"

Sitting at my desk with my laptop open in front of me, I let my eyes get lost on the slice of ocean visible through my window. Perhaps my anger was the solution. I could let my indignation open the door, and see where the conversation took us. If I let him see my emotions and we talked through them, I might see the next step. And the next.

It was time for a reckoning.

Nora: We need to talk.

Javier: Please tell me when.

Chapter 33

Javier

IF MY HEART HAD been running in my chest before Nora arrived, seeing her come into my home put the poor organ into overdrive. I devoured the sight of her, with her cute purple skirt whose fun pattern drew my eyes to her hips. The small brush strokes in a polka dot pattern made my fingers tingle with the pull to touch them, to see if they had texture to them. Her simple lilac tank top disappeared at the waist, and a thin belt completed the look. A forest green cross-body purse dented her shirt in between her breasts. Everywhere, soft skin called for my hands and my lips and my arms and all of me. Swells and rounds promised handfuls and asked to be grabbed. I took it all in like a starved man; I didn't know what to expect of her visit, and nerves had me preparing for it to be the last time I saw her.

Maybe. Perhaps I could convince her to give me a chance. She had come to see me for a reason.

I pulled down from the bottom of my shirt to manage the jitters in my fingers. "Thanks for coming, Nora."

I closed the door and we stood immobile in the foyer, facing each other.

Uneasiness oozed from her. "I don't know what I expect to happen… but something has to happen."

I nodded. "Where do you want to talk? We could go to the drawing room— same place as last time. Or outside. There's a patio at the top… but I don't have it set up, so maybe not. My office? I…"

"Can I look around?"

"Of course."

She walked into the house with slow steps, as if lost in her thoughts.