Page 75 of Yours, For Good

"Why?"

"The rules about Mister Bea— Mister Smith's anonymity have to do with the incubator itself. When we asked you in the initial documents to keep your background vague, it was to protect you, and because we don't want the people who started the incubator to kick me out. If I don't have that incubator, I lose the best way I have to connect bright folk with access to the mentorship and eyes of investors I can't give otherwise."

Nora watched me with an unchanging face.

I rubbed my mouth, thinking through what I had shared and what I still had left to say. "If it somehow comes out that I sponsor incubator participants that don't meet the requirements to the spirit of the rules— even if I make sure they meet them to the letter of it — then I don't want them to know who sponsored them into the incubator. I'm richer than most of the directors and have good connections, but I'm a philanthropist. I don't have the experience to mentor and my network isn't focused on business. I don't have the set up this incubator does. If I get kicked out of the group of people cleared to sponsor, then I lose this program. Future students like you lose their chance at the best incubator in the country. In the world. Griggs cares about that, too. He knows that telling you all of this could put that at risk."

"That's why you don't want me to tell anyone about this… and why you didn't tell me about Mister Smith."

I nodded, a small thread of relief finding its way into my ribcage.

"But why offer me friendship?" Her eyebrows pulled up in pain. "If you were reading my letters, you knew how much I craved that!"

"I did it because I knew!" I leaned forward in my need to explain. "I knew you felt lonely. I knew I put you in a situation that othered you and I needed to help and… and your letters brightened my day and I wanted to get to know you… and I couldn't help myself. I thought…"

She breathed fast. I found I did, too.

I gulped some air and added, "I thought we could be good friends, even if I didn't know for how long that would be."

"By the beach when we were in Lock Willow…" Her voice was thin. "You implied I might change my mind by the time I turned thirty. All the while, I talked about friendship pacts."

"If you wanted me around, I would have stayed."

"And keep this secret forever?"

I swallowed. "I couldn't tell you while you were in the program. While I paid for your food and while your future business was up in the air. But now you're set and independent and you don't owe me a thing… I wasn't sure what to do, but I realized… it wouldn't be fair to hope for anything if you didn't know."

"Is that what you want? To find a way to be friends again?"

"Whatever you're willing to give me. If it's nothing… I'll let you go." I let out a sad chuckle. "Many times I promised to myself I would, if it came down to it. It's in there."

I pointed helplessly to my journals again. She stretched a hand, asking me for them without words. I placed them in her hand.

She stood. I jumped to my feet, my heart in my throat that she was about to leave.

She clenched her jaw. "Can I find the answers to my questions here?"

I nodded. "I marked all the places where I mention you, if you want to just read that… but you can read it all if you want. You can get a deep look into my mind and… and all of me, if you care for it. I'm not hiding anything else again."

"I'm so angry, Javier."

I nodded. With a determined stride, she made for the front door and I followed.

In the foyer, she faced me with my journals in her arms. "I don't know when— if I might reach out."

"I understand."

She didn't say anything else for a beat or two. Her eyes were sharp on mine; I wasn't sure if she sent daggers my way or had me under a microscope.

She licked her bottom lip. "Funny, that I thought that kissing you was going to be the thing to break us."

"No. When you kissed me I…"

My heart drummed in place. Her kiss had opened doors into parts of my soul I thought I'd lost.

"Finish that thought, Javier," she whispered.

With my eyes on the herringbone parquet at our feet, I rubbed my lips with two fingers and searched for the right words. "Nora… kissing you turned my world upside down. I didn't think I wanted romance in my life but then… you happened." I shrugged and lifted my eyes to her. "Now I'm here, standing in front of you in my home, hoping you'll want to stick around for a bit longer."