Page 69 of Yours, For Good

I had always known it was wrong to hide all of who I was from Nora. Somehow, I fought so hard to accept I'd have to let her go because of what I kept from her, that I hadn't realized it didn't matter… I still had to tell her the truth.

A bucket of cold water dropped on me and ran down my spine. My blood turned to ice, and all temperature left me through my feet to the ground.

"You okay?" Jake asked.

My lungs struggled to work, but eventually words formed. "I fucked up, and I should come clean. Fuck."

"What happened?" Max frowned.

"I lied to someone I… I care about. I think. If how this feels—" I waved a hand in circles over my chest— "is any indication."

I swallowed with difficulty. My feelings for Nora were big and unfamiliar, and something I had expected to keep deep inside for no one to know. Still, these were my friends, and I couldn't lie to them, or deny my emotions.

"Someone you… care about?" Vi asked.

I pressed my eyes closed. "A… friend. I think. She… I hid something from her. Made a few bad choices."

So many bad choices, and I had to tell her everything. I may have warned her I hid something, hoping she decided she could live with it. If I kept it platonic, it could be okay, I thought.

Romantic or platonic didn't make a difference. Every time I chose not to tell her I disempowered her, and that wasn't the kind of friend I prided myself on being.

A good friend would tell her everything and give her the agency to do with the truth what she wanted. A good friend wouldn't ruin the party for his chosen family, either.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. "It's complicated, but I should… own up to what I did."

Max patted my back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not at the party." I gazed at the ceiling. "But I'm going to need help on this one."

"Of course," Gabe said. "Whatever you need."

Max rubbed my shoulder and let go. "You helped me figure out things with Eva. Remember? We'll help you figure out things with… what's her name?"

I glanced sideways at my best friend. "Not the same situation as you and Eva. I didn't say anything about love."

Big feelings, yes. Love? I wouldn't know. I had never felt that before, and how could I get there just with letters? We'd barely spent a total of a week face to face in the near to a year since I received her first email.

Max's immediate grin was full of cheekiness. "I didn't either. But isn't it interesting that I talked about how you helped me, and I'll be happy to help you… and you thought of love for… what's her name again?"

My eyes narrowed, but Max's trick question pulled a small smile from my lips. "You're funny. I'll tell you another time."

A server walked by with a tray full of drinks. I took the first glass I could reach and gulped from the bubbly, clear liquid.

"Mh. Vodka soda. Perfect." I took another sip. "Now please return to the festivities. We're not here to chat about the mess I made."

My friends deserved a nice evening celebrating the people we all saw as parental figures. We had attended to honor them and spend quality time together. And I needed the time to rack my brains for a plan.

Vi gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder. "You kind of stole our thunder. What did you expect?"

"I did not do that," I said. "We're all thoroughly pleased and surprised. You are finally together!"

"You also suspected?" Jake asked.

"We all did." Gabe smirked. "You two were not as subtle as you thought you were."

My friends granted me the space I asked for and shifted the conversation. I managed to congratulate Jake again on finding what he'd been looking for, and bring my heart down to a more stable pace.

Yet all through dinner, the same thought intruded my mind.