Page 43 of Yours, For Good

"Yeah." I nodded. "If we're both single as a pringle by the time I turn thirty… and I assure you, I will be…"

The sentence ended in a thin breath. Whatever neurosparkles I possessed, they were acting up right now and seemed way too happy to get me in trouble.

It didn't matter if we were single or not, if the plan was to be friends. And that had to be the plan, unless— no, not unless. That had to be the plan, because of my business, and my past, and all the things he didn't know about me, and all the things I wasn't ready to tell him about. Because, as a friend, the chances of losing him were much lower.

I closed my eyes. "Sorry. I'm getting way ahead of myself."

He lifted my chin to him with a fingertip. His solemn eyes studied me closely.

"What were you going to say?" he asked.

I couldn't look away. Despite my confused heart, one thing was clear— I believed he was a caring guy. Maybe I could risk a little more, even if I wasn't ready to tell him everything I kept inside.

I gulped. "I was going to offer a friendship pact. We could be BFFs. I could make us bracelets."

His face revealed hardly-repressed humor. "If you still want to be my friend when you turn thirty, I'll be happy to be your friend."

"Promise?" I offered him my pinky.

He hooked his pinky around mine. "Promise."

"Okay." I opened my arms wide in an invitation for a hug. "Bring it in."

He smirked but stepped into the hug. Even more, he took ownership of the embrace. His arms surrounded my shoulders, and he became my very own windbreaker. Warmth seeped from his body to mine.

"Friends, then," I said against his chest.

I sighed. I clung to him, repeating in my head over and over that this was the smarter idea.

The words became a prayer, when I kissed him on the cheek and let go.

"Better than enemies." He gave me a single nod.

And better than lovers, too.

I needed to be careful, or I'd end up being the one to ruin the friendship by feeling brave and catching feelings.

Javier

After our walk, we returned to Lock Willow, played cards with Lizzie, then spent time together silently reading our books in the library. She muttered something when she saw my glasses, but she didn't clarify, and I didn't ask.

This morning, we'd taken the same books for a picnic brunch at the beach, where we read for a few hours on a blanket on the sand.

Twenty four hours of innocent, pleasant friendship that I enjoyed thoroughly… and couldn't get enough of.

It was just a hug. Just a kiss on my cheek. Get it together, Javier.

No matter how often I repeated the words in my mind, they were always followed by a rebellious voice in my head.

More.

I took the stairs down to the library at Lock Willow, after writing in my journal for the night. It was New Year's Eve, and I expected to find Nora there, an hour after we had dinner with Lizzie.

I should have felt shame over the battle going on inside. My journal should have seen more and more of the guilt harpooned into my guts; that I held onto self-denial by a single thread. We had promised friendship, and the least I could do was give that to her. No room for me to focus on how charmed I'd been when we pinky promised to be friends if we were single. No right to feel longing hidden in a few extra beats of my heart, when she asked for a hug.

Fuck, for a second, when she'd talked about a pact, I expected her to talk about a marriage pact. That she would say, "If we're single when I'm thirty, we'll marry each other."

I had no business being disappointed that she'd promised friendship. Friendship was a wonderful thing to offer and as much as I could hope for, dammit. Despite joking about it, being enemies was still on the table, if she ever learned of my deceit.