Page 32 of Yours, For Good

I can imagine it. You're reading about me meeting him, and you scoff in a humorous way. Oh, that young man Javier, it's been ages since I've seen him at the golf club. I should ring up his old grandfather for a game.

Anyway. I have so many questions!

If you do know him, now I'm feeling awkward about telling you about Julia and Javier. I hope I haven't been inadvertently indiscreet, or that I have complained about someone who could be your fellow country club member's grandchild.

Not that when I complain about people you don't know it's magically better…

With a troubled mind,

Nora

Javier

FUUUUUCK. WHO WOULD HAVE guessed that Lizzie had kept the whole damn library intact? Many years ago, the last time I visited, I didn't even think to check what she had kept or what she'd given away, when I gifted her the house. I assumed she would have replaced my childhood books with her own. But she didn't, and now Nora was a few clues away from putting it all together.

I made for the third floor of my townhouse, two steps at a time. I entered my home office and plopped myself at my desk. Before I had fully sat down on my chair, I had already put on my glasses, opened my drawer, and gotten my journal out. It lay open in front of me when a faint whiff of Nora's smell reached me.

Fuck.

I put pen to paper and poured my thoughts and feelings into my writing. What the hell was I supposed to do next? It seemed like every time I made a decision, I got myself into a deeper, darker hole. It was damp and looked more like I dug my own grave each time I gazed around.

A text dinged on my phone, but I ignored it until I finished writing down my fears: that Nora would figure it all out, and cast me away for good when she realized my duplicity— rightfully so. That she would abandon the program out of pride and hurt, and lose on the support I could give her, and a life-changing chance to start her business the right way, right away. That the founders and investors of the incubator would finally realize I was bending the rules by sponsoring people like Nora, despite the efforts I made to prevent that from happening. That they would kick me out, and ruin the opportunity for future John Grier Home students. That it meant I wouldn't be able to open the doors for people who could change the world from within, to be let in to begin with. That my confused heart and body were making it harder to know the right thing to do.

I placed the pen in the seam of my journal and sighed. My fingers were stiff when I rubbed my eyebrows, and my hands cold when I took off my glasses and I covered my face.

Five seconds. I could give myself five seconds to panic, before I placed all my worries in a box, filled it with packing peanuts, added a couple of silica bags, and sealed it tight in the attic of my mind. Fear wouldn't help; decisions and actions would.

I grabbed my phone once my breathing normalized. My heart quaked again when I read the message.

Nora: Hey! I don't know if you're in need of rescuing where you are, but I wanted to show you the picture below. Looks familiar?

The picture was an outside view of Lock Willow.

Several things happened at once. My chest did a somersault. My stomach dropped. I smiled. Warmth cloaked my shoulders, at the sight of the old house.

Yes, Nora had texted me, and I couldn't help the small burst of excitement it sparked in me.

It also forced me to decide how to proceed, before I evaluated every thought and feeling that collected like storm clouds inside.

I couldn't ghost her. That would confuse her at best, hurt her at worst— an immediate harm I'd inflict on her. Continuing the friendship was the alternative, even if I was pushing every reasonable argument to even call it friendship. My feelings didn't feel exclusively friendly, after all.

What a trap. Still, the only possible step forward was to continue as-is. Self-denial in action.

I crossed my fingers that acting natural would steer her away from realizing Mr. Beanpole and I were one and the same.

Javier: I know that place! I have many happy memories of

being there.

Nora: I'm staying here for the holidays :) I found this book: The Adventures Of A Child Archeologist. It has your name inside.

She texted me a picture of it.

Javier: Wow. I didn't know I left that there. You're making

me nostalgic.

Nora: How long has it been since you've been here?