Page 114 of Yours, For Good

I pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you, Nora. So walk away. See if you grieve me. How you grieve me. We only mourn what we love, and you should know if you love me back if you're going to return to me."

"Javier…"

Watery paths marked her face now, and I wiped them with tender fingers. "I've treasured every little piece of your heart you've shown me. I know you're not fully in… out of fear and hurt. I get it. Seeing you walk away will shatter my heart and, you know? I'm pretty sure I'll still feel the same. That's why I'll wait for you as long as you need."

A watery gasp made it through her lips. My heart constricted out of despair and the need to protect her from all of it.

"That's one hell of a brave move, Javier." She grabbed at my open shirt and pulled. "To stand here and ask me to go away. Test what I feel for you this way."

"It's supposed to be a grand gesture." I brought her closer to me. "To boldly tell you how I feel with zero expectation I'll hear it back. To tell you I understand you've been alone for so long you know nothing else. That I'll wait until you know if you want me to help change that for you. Let you choose for us."

"So ballsy," she repeated, but this time tears fell once more.

I kissed them away. "I'm scared, for what it's worth. You may decide that you don't love me. And I'm terrified I'm causing it and fucking up again."

"I don't think you're wrong." She ran her fingers down my chest, over my chain, the medal, and the ring. "But I hate to admit it, because I hoped to go on pretending uncertainty was okay. That the hope I can have for most things would reach this part of my heart one day, without me having to try. That's not very courageous, is it?"

"We can do the brave thing." I kissed her freckles. "We'll do this even if we're scared. If you come back and find me here like I promised, maybe that will prove to you that you can trust me. That only destiny could get in the way, because we refuse to let anything else break us."

"This is going to hurt. That's a good sign, right?"

I gave her a lopsided smile. "This is one more truth— it's giving me hope."

We found a special place for the books on the shelves, then I watched her struggle as she packed. Hesitate as we tentatively made a plan for the next day.

Later, we made love and said goodbye. She fell asleep in my arms; I lay awake and unmoving so she would stay with me in my bed.

In the dark of the night, with her warmth soaking into my skin, I heard it— a crack. My heart crumbled to pieces in my chest, fractured by the terror of what I'd done.

We kissed at the station the next morning. Seeing her climb the steps into her train car kicked the jagged shreds in my chest, but I stayed there— I watched her until she was long gone, and my hands had stopped shaking in my pockets.

The only thing that got me to return home was realizing that her going away meant I had kept my last promise.

At the end of it all, I let her go.

Chapter 44

Nora

TEARS STREAMED DOWN MY face the moment I stepped into the train. By the time I sat down on my seat, I sobbed.

Concerned people around me offered tissues, water, even to call people for me. I waved them away, thanking them and reassuring them, but it wasn't enough. A thousand times I said it was okay, it was meant to be that way, to just ignore me and let me cry. Still, I caught their worried glances, as much as they all wanted to pretend they weren't paying attention.

I was making a spectacle of myself, and I couldn't care less. Those tears glued our last words to my brain.

"I don't want to let you go." I had my arms around his neck and hid my nose in his shirt. "I'm not ready for this to be goodbye. This feeling is still here."

"But is that feeling love?"

Ugh. Probably, right? It had only been an hour since I left Manhattan, and an empty space already burst open in my chest.

But I couldn't promise forever unless I was sure.

"I'll wait, Nora," he said between kisses. "For as long as you want. When you reach out, be it a week or a year or a decade, I'm here. For good."

It hurts, I muttered, and cried some more.

It was a small miracle that Mrs. Semple had gone out shopping and left a note to welcome me back. I didn't want to have to explain why I looked like such a mess.