Page 107 of Yours, For Good

"Things are… ambiguous," I said. "Everything feels amazing, but the end is not certain."

"You shared that she is not convinced about going the distance." Gabe kept on mashing everything thoroughly. "Is that what you mean?"

I nodded. "She's scared of the unknowns. That something unpredictable will happen to break us up or… well."

I sipped from my coffee again. It wasn't my place to share about Nora's mom.

My friends' attention remained closely set on me, even as Gabe finally deemed the avocado puréed enough and sprinkled salt on it.

"Or that I could die early," I finally said, "because things like that happen. She's grieved hard before and, the closer we get, the worse that grief would be if it ends. It makes sense she doesn't want to go through it again, especially after what I did."

The frown on Max's brow looked slightly out of place, on his always-happy face. "Grief is inevitable, so shouldn't we make sure to love harder for it?"

I gazed down at the dark pool of my drink, and the distorted reflection of light on its surface. A familiar ache creeped into my heart— it was the yearning I felt for Nora, whenever I confronted the fact she may not choose me over her fear. It was a desperate cry, ready to beg her to reconsider.

"I can't make that choice for her," I admitted. "If she says no, I have to let her go. Especially after failing her. I don't think she's forgiven me yet."

My friends remained quiet for a few seconds. Even the way Gabe cut a lemon in half and squeezed juice on the avocado seemed thoughtful.

He mixed the avocado and lemon. "So basically, you're in a pseudo relationship— we've seen you together— and waiting to see if she'll make the jump."

"Waiting is what I can do— not pressure her," I said.

"That's not enough of a grand gesture." Jake frowned, took the avocado from Gabe, and spread it on bread. "You're groveling! You have to do something that's a clear indication that you listen, that you care, that you're prioritizing her."

The three of us stared at him for three confused seconds.

Jake caught us watching him, and snorted. "Didn't I tell you? I read romance books now. Mostly with my ears. Vi hooked me and taught me all the lingo. When the hero fucks up, groveling is how he gets the heroine back. It should be more active than waiting."

"I've tried a few things…" my voice was slightly defensive, and I cleared my throat. "I gave her my journals to read. Sent her emails… I let her in, shared every raw fiber in my heart…"

I rubbed my forehead, words dying on my tongue. Listed like that, it didn't seem like I had done much.

Jake finished making my sandwich. He slid the plate in front of me, but I didn't have it in me to eat at the moment.

"Hey." Max drew my attention with the assertive sound. "These are big things for you. Your journals, reaching out, opening up— these don't come naturally to you. Doing it was the act of love we're talking about. We just need to get creative with how to drive the point forward…"

"Waiting is also doing something," Gabe added. "It's still a verb. But maybe you need something a bit more active, too."

Jake nodded. "She needs to know with no shadow of a doubt that you love her. Have you told her? You also have to show her."

I shook my head. "Told her? That I love her? I'm probably closer than I think to love-love, but—"

This time, all three of my friends shifted their stunned gazes at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm not one to tell people how they feel," Max said, "but I'm pretty sure you love her."

My head snapped back.

Jake landed a large, heavy hand on my shoulder. "You know how you all spent ten business days teasing me via text, after the anniversary party? You said it was clear as day that Vi and I had feelings for each other, and had been counting down the days until we got together. Looking at you and Nora, I finally understand what you mean by it being obvious."

I blinked in slow motion. For years I had wondered what it felt like to be in love. I had questioned my grandmother. Inspected myself and found my heart lacking. But now I knew I could feel intensely, and that my emotions for Nora ran deep, and that if I never saw her again my heart would break…

When big revelations hit me like this, people told me I paled. It may not have been physically possible, but I felt my blood leave my body and cascade out of me.

"Excuse you," Max complained to Jake. "I would like to have it noted that my love for my wife is just as obvious."