Page 93 of Yours, Finally

"Would it be really that bad?" She crossed her arms. "I wouldn'tchooseit. Absolutely not ideal, but it would rip the bandage off if we're found out."

"No, Vi. No." I shook my head and clenched my teeth. "That's the worst way possible for your parents to find out. For Gabe. We're already breaking their trust by hiding this. The least we can do is tell them about us with our full chest."

"I don't want to be found out. Makes us look guilty and yeah, of course I know my family would be hurt we didn't tell them ourselves. I don't want to hurt them. Doesn't change the fact we're at the edge of having to decide what comes next. The longer we wait, the worse it's going to be, and higher the chances something like this will happen. Maybe this is the thing we need to overcome, and not a proper fight. Figure out when and how we're telling them. If you're ready to go there?"

Her gaze hardened. Her beautiful, warm brown eyes lost the spark always hiding behind them. The change poked into my bones, and a deep ache took hold of my chest. A dull knife twisted inside; I didn't remember it stabbing me, but it still echoed familiar and painful.

I gulped, trying to ignore the hurting organ throbbing behind my sternum. My body wanted to curl and make itself small, but it couldn't, and I resisted. The need to appease was strong, but even if I didn't have all the answers, I had learned enough to recognize this was older than the small argument between Vi and I.

My desk was still a mess, and I reorganized it— keyboard and mouse back to its place, papers stacked cleanly— maybe it would help clear up my thoughts.

Vi watched me, serious, but let me take my time.

I took a deep breath, in the hope it would loosen my vocal cords enough to speak again. When I did, my voice came out heavy and somewhat monotone.

"I want to be with you," I said. "Take this thing between us far— to the end. Take you out on dates, kiss you each morning before we start our work days, hell, come to work together. Sharing a car and listening to your audiobook."

The warmth in her eyes returned. The tension in her arms left.

I rubbed my hand over my mouth. "Of course we have to tell them, and soon. But I need to prepare for it. They're going tobe hurt we hid this from them. If they disapprove of us, for whatever reason— to go on knowing we're going against their wishes freezes the blood in my veins."

"But you would stay with me?" She wrapped a hand over my arm.

I nodded, because the word refused to come out of my throat. "But losing your parents would cost me, Vi."

"You won't lose them!" she exclaimed, her tone earnest.

I pressed my lips together, fighting with the belief rooted in my marrow more than with her. The logical part of me might see she was right, but whatever fed my feelings wasn't so sure.

The rational voice in my head opened a memory folder and provided a quick answer.You've learned about this in therapy. It's called implicit knowledge and, when wrapped in trauma, it's hell to change.

All I could do was close my eyes and nod at Vi.

"We'll build up to it, okay?" Vi rubbed my arm. "As long as you want to tell them I'm your girlfriend and be true to your word, I can wait a bit longer."

My gaze whipped to her. She'd called memy loveearlier, but that could have been a result of the heat of the moment. Thegirlfriendon her lips couldn't be explained away so easily.

A smirk curled her lips into a half-hidden grin. She shrugged. "We said we would hide this so we knew what to tell them. I know you asked before and I said I wanted to wait, but that's something we can tell them, right? If we both want to take this far, we might as well label it. So I changed my mind. It's the answer we wanted to have… if you like that."

The puzzle pieces inside me, big and heavy as boulders, slid into place quietly and smoothly like small, pretty marbles. Everything quieted; rational and wounded implicit parts alike. A peaceful feeling took over instead, and I sighed.

I smiled and, with hands on the soft curve of her waist, brought her close to me. "I very much like that. It's what I've always wanted, at the end of the day. To have it all— to be with you."

"Okay, then, boyfriend." She leaned on me and kissed me. "Let's go for dinner before the cleaning folk catch us and the rumor mill goes off anyway."

She took my hand and pulled me away. I grabbed my jacket and she took her purse, and we made for the door.

She gave me a flirty look, a hand on the handle. "We'll go for dinner now and marvel at being together some more. And next time we play this game at work, we'll do it far from any buttons that could get us caught by accident."

"Hands on the window is an option," I said. "Overlooking the city and far from the desk. Thoughts?"

She laughed. "I like that plan very much."

She opened the door and I chuckled, before we went out together, hands kept to ourselves.

Vi

Gabe was still on his trip, so I picked up a few things from home and went to stay with Jake. My parents knew I was seeing someone; they just didn't know it was Jake. Spending time away did not cause suspicion. Still, I looked forward to the day when we wouldn't have to sneak around. When they and everyone knew I was happy and Jake was a big part of that. Until then, I would take any chance I could to spend time with my brother's best friend.