Page 53 of Yours, Finally

Repeating myself wasn't my style, but that was the level of bewilderment I carried since Jake and I stopped kissing.

I sighed. "Like we said last night— I think we should figure out what we are before we tell anyone else. See if this is going to work out. I don't want anyone's first thought to be, oh, I guess Vi is sleeping with her brother's best friend now—"

A groan from him interrupted my thought. When I gazed at him again, he'd pulled the oars back to his lap and scrubbed a hand down his face.

"Please," he said, "give me a minute before we start talking about sex, or I'm not going to make it."

Mirth built instantly at his words. "Why? Are you having a hard time with all this skin displayed in front of you?"

I ran my fingers up my thigh, and Jake followed their path with an anguished frown.

"Yes." The word came out gravelly. "Yes, because I can look, and I'm desperate to touch."

"I'll let you touch, big guy, but you can suffer for the next few minutes."

"I can. I won't enjoy it, but I can. They don't call me Mister Restraint for no reason."

I laughed. "Now all I want to do is torment you."

"Don't. We should finish this conversation. I didn't know you were worried about everyone's reaction, too."

"Yes… and no." I pressed my lips together and gazed at Max and Eva in the distance.

I really didn't think the family would be against us exploring what we had, but maybe they would have second thoughts about it. I didn't have the best record at making relationships work and, as much as I felt for Jake, I didn't know if that was love-love. Lust-affection for sure, but love? Like the one my parentsshared? I couldn't know beforehand. And if it went by the wayside as fast as the rest of them…

Pursuing a verdict on us pushed me forward; I couldn't keep scrutinizing the fantasy of it with no evidence. Yet throwing ourselves into it rattled the foundations on which our family was built. The role each of us played to each other and the people we loved.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't trust myself to make all the right moves. Making it work had never mattered as much as it did now, when trying to build something real that involved Jake.

I set my eyes on him. He studied me with furrowed brows.

"I have to do this," I said. "I need to know what we can make out of wanting each other for so long. But I also don't want to ruin our chance at this somehow, and have to deal with a broken heart and their reaction to it at the same time."

He nodded. "So we tell them we want privacy? That we don't want their opinion?"

I dipped my hand in the cool water again, and wet the back of my neck. A friendly gust of wind had a chill running down my spine.

"Or maybe…" I licked my lips. "Maybe we don't tell them anything."

His eyes shifted between mine. "What are you saying, Vi? That we hide it altogether?"

His nostrils flared, and worry sprouted in my gut. Again we stayed still in the water, too focused on the conversation to take any direction.

"Not quite— Maybe— What I'm trying to say is that we keep it private." I firmed up my voice. "We agreed to it last night; we can do it for a bit longer. Everyone will have some sort of opinion or expectation. Even if they don't say anything, we'll know they're thinking it. Watching us. I don't want that to affect us in any way."

"I don't want to hide it."

"I don't want to either! But wouldn't it be a good idea to protect what we have at the start? Only until we settle into it. Just you and me, no one else to have a thought about it. No influence of any kind, but what it feels like to be with each other."

"You live with your parents. I share a floor with Gabe! How would we keep it private?"

"We're smart people and this isn't forever. We can make it happen. And it's kind of fun, right? I bet this is what it would have been like if we'd gotten together years ago, maybe back when I first thought of you this way in high school."

"High school?" he groaned. "Fuck me."

"I plan to."

"Fuck. Fuck, Vi. Youaretormenting me."