Page 20 of Yours, Finally

We drove for a while, Jake in silence and focused on the road; I kept the quiet between us, and held it in my hand like a moth about to go in search of the light. I didn't want to disrupt him and rob myself from the chance to see him sing.

"I've never stopped playing," he finally said. "Even when my dad— when he forced me to stop. Even when a misstep meant being punished. I just found a way to do it in my head."

I knew what he meant. I had heard a story or two, through the decades Jake had been with us.

"Jake…" I raised a hand, an automatic impulse to soothe.

My heart crumpled, the walls creasing with each beat, but my hand held suspended in the space between us. I dropped it to the console dividing us. I didn't think it was my place to offer anything, no matter how much I wanted to give it.

My nails had nothing to hold on to, as I fisted my hand on the smooth panel between the seats. Giving was in my disposition. But, even if Jake deserved so much more than a simple handon his arm, the fences between us were frail. We already were pushing more than was recommended, of late.

His eyes remained on the road. "Your parents bought me instruments and encouraged me to practice in your home but, you know, I've never been public with it. Even after my father died and I went no contact with my mom— I don't play in front of people."

"I know." I dug my nails into the palm of my hand, and kept my voice soft. "That's why I'm surprised."

We approached the older, fancier part of the city; we would reach the venue soon. I wanted to rush him and get him to tell me more. I wanted to ask him to drive more slowly, so he'd have time to finish his thought.

He shook his head and took a deep breath. "Vanessa— my therapist— she thinks my music could be a way to show my authenticity again. That even though hiding it was the right thing for a long time, I don't need to hide it anymore. That if I find ways to share that side of me, it could help me show more to the right people."

He cut a glance my way, before turning the blinker on. We were a couple of blocks away from our destination. I pulled my hand back to my lap and pressed my lips together, but my eyes didn't waver from him.

"She challenged me," he said. "For all the healing and growth I've done through the years, I can't say being challenged doesn't get to me anymore."

"So you're going to play music for people?"

"I'll start with other people's music— that's why karaoke is a good idea." He scoffed, but there was humor in it. "I don't know if the fact Gabe, Lina, and you might be there makes it better or worse."

We entered the yard to an old city estate, the kind the wealthy folk of old built to compete with those in Europe. A manicuredyard welcomed us, with a dark paved driveway circling around a large, multi-layer center fountain.

I smiled. "If it helps, I'll sing something really poorly before you take the stage."

He laughed, and I let the topic die as we entered the elegant property.

"Wow." My eyes traced the fountain, with its angels and cherubs playing in the water. "Interesting."

"Not much room to park. I read in the link you sent me that they have a valet service? That they take guests' cars to a nearby parkade they own?"

"Yeah, but I think you can leave the car by the main door for now."

Once the car stopped, we exited the car at the same time.

Jake rushed to my side. "Hey, wait a second. Why didn't you let me open the door for you?"

"What?" I closed the car door behind me. "Were you planning to?"

He stood in front of me, tall enough that I had to lift my gaze high to look him in the eye.

He frowned. "Yes. I drove you here— it's good manners."

"Good manners… for a date."

"I can do it for you even if it's not a date."

"I don't need you to handle me with care."

"I want to be better about showing you…" he let out a frustrated gust of air, like he couldn't find the exact word he was looking for. "Regard."

I wrinkled my nose. Not what I had expected.