Page 111 of Yours, Finally

One, two, three…

I put my arms around Vi's waist, and I took in her smell with my next breath.

Four, five, six…

Her perfume mellowed me. Familiar.

One, two, three…

She felt good close to me. I still trembled, but I could feel my chest moving now— the black hole faded behind my sternum.

Four, five, six…

We were still at the park. The white noise of traffic reached me and, if I wanted to, I could move my feet. I did, pressing inside my shoe to feel the ground.

"I'm okay," I said. "I'm okay."

"I'm going to hold you for a bit longer, if you don't mind."

A scoffing chuckle loosened from my throat. "Go right ahead."

I caressed her back while she squeezed me as tight as she could.

"It's okay." I gulped. "It's been years since the last time this happened."

"I had never seen you like this."

"I've worked hard at keeping it at bay. It would happen sometimes, but with therapy it stopped— unless I pushed too hard in session, ironically. But I'm okay now."

"Yeah? Feeling better?"

"Yeah. I got close to dissociating, but I didn't. It's okay."

Vi pulled back enough to study me, a frown on her face. Her arms remained around my neck.

"I'm not asking so that you comfort me, Jake. I'm asking because I want to know if you need more time— do you want to go back to the building? We can try to find some water."

"No, it's fine." I shook my head. "What time is it?"

"I don't know."

"It's hard for me to track time when I feel like this, but you have to go spend time with your aunts and uncles."

Her mouth hung open. "I am not leaving you!"

"I just need some time to ground myself again. You can make up an excuse for me—"

"They can wait. I am not leaving you."

Most sensations had quieted down. The buzzing remained, but it hummed away from me. I took a slow, deliberate breath.

I put my hands on Vi's forearms, her hands still on my shoulders. "I need to email Vanessa. Figure out what happened that this is all affecting me so deeply."

"I can help. I want to help."

"I know." I took another deep breath. "You also have to go spend time with family you haven't seen in years, and prepare them for the party on Wednesday."

"I was going to do that with you… I wanted you close… I thought we could go to my parents tonight… surprise everyone at the party…"