Page 109 of Yours, Finally

My feet were weldedto the ground. My biceps twitched. I still couldn't understand what my eyes saw— the concrete of the path we were on didn't make sense, when it seemed blurry and red. I closed my eyes.

"You told me you didn't want me fighting your battles." The statement came out of my throat, but not out of my own volition— they were apart from me. "I failed."

"We should go." Vi's hand rubbed the skin of my arm. "We need to talk."

"If you hadn't stopped me, I could have… I might have punched him."

My lips tingled and I rubbed them together. I tried counting through a few breaths; it didn't quite work, but it helped somewhat. I opened my eyes.

"No. Jake— I tried to stop you— catch your attention several times. You did not move. If you had wanted to hit him, you would have. You didn't."

I gazed at Vi. "How is that any better? I ignored you. All I could see was him. I clenched my fists— I wanted to feel his face under my knuckles—"

"But you didn't! Come. Let's find a private place."

The skin in my arms quivered with the leftovers of the fight, and it was hard to breathe, but I let her guide me to a bench nearby. Enough trees surrounded us that we could sit in the shade, despite the early afternoon sun.

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. I rubbed my face. "I need a session with Vanessa."

The organs caged in my chest rattled in place, as a shift in my connective tissue gave way to a buzz. I must have been grinding my teeth a lot, because my jaw pounded with tension.

But we didn't have enough time before Vi had to leave. Taking care of the chaos inside would have to wait.

I gulped. "I apologize, Violeta."

"For what? Andrew didn't deserve the punch but he deserved the fight."

"I should have let you handle him. You were right about him from the start."

"Okay— fine. Apology accepted." She rubbed a hand on my back. "You didn't need to go bouncer on him, but I liked having you as my bodyguard."

"Is that what you think I did?"

"That's exactly what I think. Andrew was a jerk. He badgered us. He poked and prodded trying to get us to react. Come tothink of it, he never knew how to pick his fights. How to let it go in time."

"You're giving me too much grace, Vi." I dropped my hands and wrung them together, hard. My inner world was on the edge of anarchy.

Her hand moored on my shoulder, where she squeezed a few times. "That's my prerogative, big guy."

I snorted and shook my head. We were alone in the park, not even a breeze kept us company. The temperature was mild, at least, and the balmy air cushioned the needles in my arms.

"You deserve better, Vi." I sat back on the bench and looked at her. "You deserve the best."

"And what I want is you." She leaned on me, taking my arm between hers in a hug.

It brought her close to me; enough that tree silhouettes took shape in the reflection of her eyes.

"You're not taking this seriously," I said.

Her eyes widened. "I am! Don't you see? What's serious about this is what we're going to do about us. Not whatever garbage Andrew spouted."

"But he wasn't completely wrong. I made a mess of it. How am I going to show up to your parents and tell them that I've hidden how I felt about you for years? That they treated me like a son and I wanted even more. That I put it all at risk when I lost control of myself?"

"Didn't I make a mess of it, too? I came up with this brilliant idea of hiding it! But I also know that, even if they're angry or disappointed, they'll get over it."

"You can't compare that— Vi, please. I almost hit someone! I almost— I did— I let my anger take over. I failed you. I failed myself."

"No, Jake. I refuse to believe we made too many mistakes. We have to fix this, and we should do it now before my parents go away on their trip. We can't go another month like this."