Page 89 of Yours, Forever

My lungs sped up. The possibility of touching her body dug its talons in my chest. It pulled at me with no consideration for my weak human flesh.

Ardor flared up in me. I put my arm above her on the door frame; looked down at her. Crowded her. She melted. Weakened knees? Check.

My cock hardened. My nostrils flared. "You'll risk your heart for sex with me?"

"If you'll risk your heart by letting me close enough to touch."

"I don't like transactional sex." I put my free hand around her mouth. With hard fingers, I forced her mouth to fall into a pucker, a little bit of a pout.

"It doesn't have to be. It won't be mechanical. It won't be a black and white task we can tally into ones and zeroes. I'm offering more. This will be us as friends, too. You'll let me in a bit closer. I'll let you in past the wall I keep around me, and I'll be there with you in the vast space I rarely show to anyone. Fuck, I never show any of it to anyone. I'll show it to you."

"Is this it? An official friendship offer. Are you ready for that kind of commitment?"

"I want to be closer to you. I want you enough to risk that kind of commitment."

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Friendship was better than transactional sex, and yet... still not enough.

Could she love me?

"You said you won't kiss me, that night on the balcony. You said it again a few minutes ago."

Her fingers hooked around the edge of the tiny pockets on my vest. She pulled me closer.

She lifted a determined chin my way, aligning our lips even if our mouths remained too far away from each other.

"We won't kiss." Her breath feathered my mouth. "That's how we'll remember this is still an agreement. That divorce is still on the table."

Fuck divorce, but she wasn't ready to hear it, and I wasn't ready to challenge her.

She was stubborn; perhaps rationalizing this whole deal. Could I accept that for now?

I stepped into her space, until our bodies touched. Unable to stop it, I rubbed my hard cock against her.

She had told me not to kiss her, so I didn’t. Not when sex would have nothing to do with love.

Maybe if I sexed her up well enough, that and friendship would pave the way for more.

For now, if sex was what she offered, that was what I would take.

Fuck my heart, too.

Walking back home with a hard on wasn't the most difficult part that night. It was having to suspend the inertia that led us to agree on sex, and change focus to closing rEvalution for the night.

A cold breeze reminded me we were in public, and I couldn't quite yet take her up on her word. I couldn't even hold her hand.

I frowned. "Do you have condoms? I don't."

She crossed her arms, her shoulders curling like a shell. I hoped it was the wind's fault.

"Do you want my jacket?" I asked.

"No. The walk will help. And no, I don't have condoms. I usually kept my sexcapades to little trips to nearby towns. Never needed them here."

"I have a vasectomy. I got a test done after Vegas, too, since I'd forgotten so much of that night— this was before I heard from Leon. I wanted to treat anything if anything needed to be treated… but nothing came up."

"Same, actually." She cast her eyes my way. "I'm surprised you have a vasectomy. I thought you wanted kids."

I shrugged and put my hands in my pockets. "They are reversible. Pregnancy chances with a vasectomy are extremely rare, which I wanted, and pregnancy rates after reversal are good, which I was okay with. I told you I wouldn't have children unless I could spoil them forever. That wouldn't happen with any of the relationships I used to have."