Page 66 of Yours, Forever

"I see. You want them to like you because of you."

I shrugged. "Sometimes I feel like I'm a colorful tropical fish they like to admire in its tiny fishbowl."

Javier laughed. "You do stand out. We all do, perhaps. Could you live with that, do you think? Or maybe it will change with time."

"I could live with that. Eventually they will get used to me. One day, they might even think of me as their own."

"So you want to stay!" Even though his tone showed his excitement, the volume kept his words only for me. "Is it because of Eva, or…"

I glanced at him from the side of my eye. "It's Eva, of course. Though the town is gorgeous and I would enjoy this life, too. It's not like I can never go on trips to my favorite cities when the whim strikes."

Our exchange continued in hushed tones. People chatted as they traveled the walkway; music played from speakers near the stage in the sand, where the opening events would take place in a couple of hours. The ambient noise and the roaring of the sea gave us the privacy we needed.

"I knew it!" He slapped my shoulder a few times, a big smile on his face. "You two look way too cozy, and you give her these puppy eyes…"

"Please." I chuckled. "I can't wait until you find someone that makes you feel things again, so I can tellyouthat you have puppy eyes."

"That will never happen. I'm not worried."

"We'll see about that."

"Will you? If you live in Laguna Island, you might miss that thing that will never happen."

"Should I be worried about that? I don't know. Maybe I won't stay. Eva keeps talking about me leaving."

Javier studied me. I linked my fingers behind me, my eyes lost in the horizon. The ocean looked a deep navy, waves breaking softly in the low tide.

Yeah, I could live here, but only if I was wanted. Invited. If I could be held by more than mountains and the sea.

"Oh. I see. You wantherto welcome you... And she doesn't think you fit here."

I shook my head. "She sees my suits, the way I keep getting my favorite things delivered; or even the fact that I have to go to galas and board meetings, and she thinks I don't belong. She doesn't see a future where I could be happy here with her."

"Did you tell her you could?"

"I told her I might. She didn't believe it. She told me not to kiss her."

"She didn't believe you?"

I snorted with humor. "To be fair, I tried to tell her, and she told me she wouldn't believe me. She thinks even if I feel this way now, I'll change my mind by the time we're meant to divorce. So even if I tell her, would it matter? Her next question would be, for how long? She doesn't have feelings for me that way, and doesn't want to have them."

"Then show her andthentell her. Again. Let her see you would want to try and make this real. That if you were a couple, you would stay here. Maybe that's how she learns to trust that youwon't change your mind. So that she can see a future with you, one where you could belong. Because you showed her something she wants, even if you're a tropical fish."

"I guess I have a couple of years to try, huh?" I smiled at him. "For a cynic, you give great romantic advice."

"The fact that I'm not looking for love doesn't mean I don't know anything about it."

"I can't wait for love to find you anyway."

"We're talking about you, my friend. And you don't know if this thing you feel for Eva is love, yet, do you?"

No, I didn't. Showing her what being together could be like, would be me giving love a chance. Terrifying as it was. One-sided as it might be.

The question was if my wife could ever love me, the way I suspected I could love her. Trying was the only way to know.

My friends and I sat on the sand, some distance away from the stage. I recognized many of the faces around me, locals waiting for the opening events to start. Clouds had come in, softening the sunlight falling on us, and cooling down the summer day. Perfect to sit around and watch the opening speech, and the concert from a few youth bands afterwards.

I massaged sunscreen onto my face, laughing with my friends over something Jake said. It was easy to get distracted; kids ran around us, and the music spilling from the speakers filled every silence.