Page 9 of Love in Times of Contempt

He had, a couple of times in recent years. Each time, Alex had looked at Liam with scorn, shaken his head, and given him some sort of excuse.

Annoyed, Liam took another sip and stared at the ceiling. "Not lately."

Dr. Linda hid a smile. "So what has he said in the past?"

"Last thing he said was that he didn't want to live in the halo of Hollywood; that if we're close it makes it worse."

"Do you believe him?"

He shrugged and brought his eyes down to the doctor again. "I'm sure it's part of it."

"But what does your gut tell you?"

Liam traced the cup sleeve once more, taking his time to answer. A big part of therapy had been to learn to trust his gut again, and a childish part of him didn't want to use this hard-earned skill on his brother.

"We could talk about why you don't want to talk about Alex." Dr. Linda's voice held a hint of mischief. While Liam typically appreciated her humor, right now, her suggestion wasn't that funny to him. It was even worse.

Talking about Alex meant not talking about himself, giving Liam a reprieve from confronting where his irritation for Alex came from.

Liam locked his gaze on Dr. Linda and answered with the truth. "I think there's something else going on with Alex. That's what my gut is telling me. I know he hates his job and he hasn't been able to paint for a while… but that can't be it, can it?"

Dr. Linda followed his mood tone. "I can't know for sure as he's not my client and I only know him through you but, in general terms, I don't see why that can't be it."

"What do you mean?" He tracked all the tiny movements on her face.

"If painting means a lot to him, not being able to paint could really affect him. All of this is just guessing on our part, just me trying to help you understand your own perspective of him. If you think his irritability has to do with his painting, then it could very well be the case."

"I guess." Liam frowned. "I know he wanted to paint more."

"You've said you do like acting. Right?"

Liam nodded. "Yeah. And I think I know where you're going with this. If I suddenly couldn't act anymore, it'd rock my world— in a bad way."

"So, if you consider that, and empathize with Alex a bit; and if you think about what it's like to do something you hate to do… what happens when you think of Alex?"

Liam took his therapist's words in and let himself engage with them. He searched through his mental files, picking up images of Alex's paintings hanging in Liam's home, and how the color and shape of them invariably plucked a chord in Liam's soul; he imagined what it took to translate emotion and vision into a painting… and what it might feel like to lose the language of it. It left a hollow cavity behind, just to think about.

Liam missed Alex. Last time they'd met, his brother's eyes had been shuttered, and the memory came with sorrow. Perhaps it was an echo of what might be living in Alex's heart.

Liam sighed. "I think he's going through a rough time."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"I feel bad for him." He shrugged off the discomfort tensing his shoulders. "But I'm making this up! I don't know what he's actually feeling, or why he's still working there."

"I could be wrong, but to me it seems there's something about this situation that really upsets you, and it makes you angry. Is it because you don't understand him, or because Alex won't talk to you about it, or something else?"

Liam shook his head. "I'm not sure, Doc. Generally I'm too pissed off to look too closely."

She chuckled. "Well, that's fair. That's one of the things anger does. But you want to figure it out, don't you? Or is the anger too big?"

Coffee seemed like the right thing to gain more time. He drank a bit more. "Anger's big, but I do want to figure it out."

"You always have a choice, even about that." Dr. Linda gave him one of her encouraging smiles. "Maybe you realize you actually are okay doing nothing; maybe you confirm you do want to try again. Then you can keep thinking about how to be his brother, if he's going through a rough time."

"Dammit, Doc. I should be used to admitting this but, I guess that makes sense."

Dr. Linda's smile turned cheeky. "When will you see him again?"