Page 67 of Yours, For Now

Gabe: maybe. See you tonight

Dinnerhadgoneoffwithout a hitch, both of us settling into our usual routine. We talked once in a while, making random comments as we worked and ate, until we broke and admitted we needed the rest. Lina and I went to each of our homes separately and, this time, there was no kissing at all.

In a different life, we would have gone home together, worked together there, then gone to sleep together. Kissing would have happened several times throughout the evening.

Could that be normal life? Was that how my parents did it, at the height of building the Group, and trying to balance it out with being a couple and having kids?

The thought wouldn't have crossed my mind, if Lina and I hadn't ended up in this impossible situation, causing all lines to blur.

A sigh left me before I stuffed my mouth with food again. Today we ate together in my office once more; the shortlist results would be announced in less than an hour and, as planned, Lina had come to my office to have lunch and wait.

I'd been late for lunch, with a meeting that had gone past the scheduled time. Lina didn't seem angry about it. She'd taken it in stride, and now sat in front of me on my couch. We picked at our take out boxes and ate mostly in silence. I worked through a document another VP needed from me, and she worked on her emails.

Her hair was up in a loose ponytail today, the waterfall of it resting on her shoulder. Her fingers played with the ends of it as her eyes ran across her screen. My fingers would have loved to do the same, intermingling with the brown locks and her skin alike.

Frustration burnt a quiet path in my stomach. Why did we have to be in the middle of big career crossroads? This was the wrong time, and we had to have an expiration date. I had to stop myself from going any further, or the fake break up was going to hurt like hell.

Who was I kidding, I was in deep enough it was going to hurt like hell regardless.

At this rate, all I could do was ride this thing pulsing behind my breastbone and hide in work for a few weeks after the break up. I had enough piling up that it was the best option, anyway.

And all this time, Lina was probably thinking of our application, fully unaware of the quality of my feelings.

Time for something different.

"Only half an hour until the results are published. Getting nervous yet?" I asked.

She scrunched up her face. "Don't ask me if I'm nervous. It makes me think about it, and I don't want to think about it."

"I'm nervous," I admitted with a shrug. "I want to get it, too."

She cut me a glance. "You can be nervous. I can't."

"Of course you can be nervous. This is a big deal for us. If we get shortlisted, then we only have two competitors left. Makes the chances of us getting the stadium deal a lot more real."

She didn't say anything at first. She looked down and away; when her eyes returned to me, they were steady yet closed off. I wanted her to open up to me, tell me what she hid inside of her, but I didn't ask. It didn't seem fair, when getting closer didn't serve our goal, and we'd go our own ways soon enough.

"What would you do, if we don't get the contract?" Her voice was soft and hard at the same time. A challenge and her version of vulnerability, I guessed.

I bit the inside of my lips. I played around with my food, and responded after having a bite. "I would set it aside for a couple of weeks, but I'd go back to it. Do an analysis of the situation, see if there are comps in the market to set my eyes on. If we find a similar project somewhere in the Global North, it would be easier to correct and edit what we have, than starting completely from scratch next time we try."

She pressed her lips together, her eyes never wavering from me. Her takeout box rested on her lap, her hands still next to it. "You would want to try with us again?"

I frowned. "Wouldn't you want to try again? I believe we optioned it in the contract."

She mirrored me, no wrinkle between her eyebrows, but a cloud over her eyes. She bit her bottom lip. "I would. I don't know about my dad and uncle."

"I'll help you try to convince them."

"We might need to get married for that one; they won't trust me again if this one fails." She scoffed and smiled at me, the corner of her lips telling me she meant for me to take it as a joke… but I saw the sadness in her eyes, and I couldn't laugh at the situation.

I listened to the hallway and checked through the glass wall of my office, making sure we still had enough privacy; when I confirmed no one seemed to be coming our way, I clicked the button to make the glass opaque and put my feelings into words.

I spoke in a loud whisper. "I know you're joking, but fake marriages are a hard no for me, Lina. A couple of months doing this is different than letting my parents believe I found what they have. And you don't want to marry me, anyway." I put my mostly-eaten food and laptop on the coffee table, my computer screen going black— I had completely forgotten about it. "I haven't been that good of a boyfriend, even, for you to consider me as a real candidate. Even if it is to get your family to give you another chance."

She pursed her lips and squinted at me. "I don't like it when people tell me what I should want."

"This is not even real."