Page 47 of Beautiful Madness

“Not just animals,” I told Sam.“Watch this.” And I shifted into Eli, Jared’s beta. I chose him because being ashapeshifter didn’t mean I lost myself. I retained my morals, and I was notgoing to steal another person. But Eli had no rights to his privacy, so I chosehim.

And as soon as I shifted, Irealized a few things. One, shifting into anyone wasn’t right—I was gaining hismemories, stealing his privacy, being the monster—and that was no differentthan Sam choosing to believe that killing abusers was fine. IwaslikeSam.

Two, I no longer felt shame,and I should have been more careful. Showing Remy what I was wasn’t smart,safe, or completely sane.

And finally—and maybe because Iwas so new at it—shifting into someone else was fucking hell. I was immediatelyempathetic, sympathetic, and understanding of Eli. IwasEli. His painwas mine. His sorrow, his anger, his love of Lennon.

I was horrified at Lennon’storment, and I wanted nothing more than to rush to Shadowfield and help her. Iloved her. And I was tortured over the alpha’s disappearance. I knew he’d beentaken, betrayed, and I was waiting for him to die.

Sam flew backward, the blooddrained from his face, his eyes wide, his lips frozen in a circle of the samehorror that was in his stare. “Impossible,” he cried.

Remy watched me with horror,too, but there was no fear in his face. Only the realization that eventually,he would have to end yet another monster.

I couldn’t blame him for that.

But right then, I was lost,terrified, and wishing with everything inside me that I had not shifted intosomeone else. And I vowed right then to never do it again.

No wonder Sam was mad. Nofucking wonder.

And somehow, I ripped off thebeta’s skin and shifted back to myself, but I would never forget what it hadbeen like to “be” Eli.

I didn’t like it. I didn’t likeit atall.

“I’ll never do that again,” Iwhispered, as the two men watched me. “I swear, I will never do that again. Ididn’t know…” I would have burst into horrified tears, but I waslongpast tears.

Sam didn’t say a word.

“Is there a way to erase thatpart of you?” Remy asked. “I don’t blameyou. I blame the angel whoforced that on you. We’ll figure it out, Kait. Either that, or I’ll have tokill you, and…” He hesitated, shook his head, and admitted something he probablydidn’t really want to admit. “I guess I don’t want to kill you. Not anymore.”

“I’m one of them,” I murmured.“I’m one of the monsters.” I didn’t tell him that I was born a shapeshifter,that it hadn’t been Lucas who’d changed me. I’d stolen his scream, as well. Iwas like some sort of awful sponge, sucking up and stealing everyone’s magic.

Which continued to beg thequestion.

What the actual fuck was I?

Maybe there was no name for me.I’d never known anyone who did what I did. I’d never heard of a shapeshifterwho could shift into both animal and human forms. I didn’t know what sort ofcreature could absorb the power of another magical being. It should have beenimpossible that I’d not only fought but survived an angel.

“Nah,” Remy said. “You hunt themonsters. But you can become one of them if you’re not careful. And I’ll…”Again, he shrugged. “I’ll be watching for that.”

I nodded, because right then,I’d rather have been put down than become something so very unacceptable.

“Look at you,” Sam saidfinally. “You’re nearly healed. Already.” He crouched a few feet away, wantingto smile, wanting to be pleased and happy and proud of another shapeshifter,but unable to get past what he’d seen.

And though it caused me somepain, I stood. My long hair was out of its braid and hid my bare body somewhatfrom their eyes, but it didn’t really matter.

“Your blade,” Sam said.

I reached down to caress thehilt. “Mine,” I agreed. It was no longer hidden by magic, but that didn’t scareme. Lucas wouldn’t try to take it, and he was the only one who might have had achance.

Remy shrugged off his coat andhanded it to me. I took it and put it on, and then I gave him a smile. “Thankyou, Remy.”

He visibly paled, took a stepback, and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. And because it was Remy, the mostconfident, smartass person I’d ever met, I was confused.

“What?” I asked, closing theborrowed coat around me. It was soft, warm, and wore the hunter’s subtle scent,and though I wasn’t exactly cold, the coat immediately warmed and relaxed me.

“I don’t know,” he saidhoarsely. “Something about you is different, and I’m feeling shit I don’t wantto feel.”

I stared at him.