Page 41 of Beautiful Madness

“The wolves will join us soon,”I told them, as we walked along the river. I was searching for Jared’s scent,and a single daywalker scent thread I could pick up and follow. “With all of ussearching, we’ll find the caves.”

Remy was searching for tracks,though he had to use his flashlight to do it. It was dark down by the river, atleast for the human. The moon didn’t shed enough light for him to track by italone. He was used to tracking at night, though, and his light was so bright itlit up half the riverbank.

Because of who he was, it waseasy for me to forget he was human, and when he did things like pull out aflashlight to see the tracks, it startled me.

Sam remained quiet, and I knewhis attention wasn’t on the tracks, the daywalkers, or Jared. Not really.

His attention was on theshapeshifter beside him.

When Remy, in single-mindedconcentration, latched onto a set of prints he wanted to follow, Sam hung backwith me. I knew why, and I didn’t want to talk about it. Not right then.

“I can help you,” he said. Hewas eager. Excited. What were the chances Sam knew another shapeshifter? Prettydamn low. “Let me explain something you can do to begin to understand yourshift. When you do, when you grasp this single thing, you can—”

“Not now,” I said. “I can’tpractice shifting when I’m trying to take out the daywalkers and find Jared.I’d like to keep my clothes on a little while longer.”

“You don’t have to practiceright now,” he said, as patient as he could be. “Just let me plant this seed ofknowledge.”

I studied him quietly until henarrowed his eyes and began to look a little more like the shapeshifting serialkiller I’d come to know.

“You’re different at times,” Isaid. “When you’re in hunt or kill mode, you’re a cold stranger. I rememberwhat you were like when you came in and saved me from the Stone Moon wolves.It’s almost like you’re two different men.”

He crossed his arms and grinneddown at me, his eyes glittering silver sparks in the darkness. “Like you,” hesaid. “Just like you, shapeshifter.”

“Shh,” I hissed, throwing aglance Remy’s way. “The hunter doesn’t need to know what’s inside me. He knowstoo much as it is.”

“Ah,” Sam said. “You’reashamed. Bad enough he knows you’re a wolf, right?” There was a touch ofcontempt in his voice, and there was anger. “You don’t have to care what anyhuman thinks of you, Kait. If you want to, you can make sure he never thinksagain.”

I stopped walking and stared athim. “Idon’twant to, Sam. Just because I might be…” I stumbled overthe word and in the end, I couldn’t say it. Not out loud. “That doesn’t mean Ihave to be a monster.”

He nodded, but there was ragein his eyes. “Because all shapeshifters are born monsters. You believe I’m amonster.”

“Aren’t you?” I asked.

He was silent for a long time.Finally, as I was getting just a little nervous, he spoke. “That depends onyour definition of monster. To those who fear me, I am a monster. To those Isave—most of them, anyway—I am a hero.” Then he smiled at me. “You have to careabout yourself. In the end, you are all you will have. Fight for yourself,Kait. For once, fight for you.”

I began walking once again.“I’ll do what I want to do when I’m ready to do it. I’ve barely had time toeven think about how I was born. I’m going to need a minute to figure it out.”I slid my fingers under the bracelet I wore, but I maintained my cool and keptit on my wrist. “Now leave me be, Sam. I have more important things to worryabout.”

“Nothing is more important,” hesaid, and then he jogged away, leaving me alone.

Thank God.

I stood in the silence andclosed my eyes, letting the night wash over me. In that night, somewhere, wasthe alpha. His scent had exploded into dust along with the daywalkers who’dcarried it, but I could catch it again. I just had to be stronger than themagic that hid him from me.

I inhaled, shutting outeverything but the frigid night, and I called on the moon to help me. I askedfor the magic between us to weaken. I begged for the bond we shared to pull meto him. I brought an image of his face into my mind. I saw his fierce stare,his sexy smile. I could see his hands gliding over my body.

But I could not feel him.

Still, I stood there, silentand motionless, hoping for something, anything. I didn’t move when the skybegan to release a wet, heavy snow, or when the crunch of footsteps let me knowthat Remy or Sam was watching me.

I became a frozen, whitestatue, and still, I did not move.

When my wolf whined, deepinside me, I made the decision to shift. Who better to scent and track thealpha than his wolf? And yes, I realized that as my wolf, I was not more likelyto feel him—that feeling was a bond that I would have felt in any form. But Iwas desperate. And finally, I opened my eyes. I would ask Sam to stash mybelongings where I could retrieve them later, and I would shift. Wyatt and theother warriors would even now be searching the riverbank and caves not far fromwhere I stood. They would find me soon and together, we would run through thenight, and we would find our alpha.

We had to.

The shapeshifter stood a fewyards away, watching me, somehow sinister, dangerous, and protective all at thesame time, but I didn’t see Remy.

“Sam,” I said, but that was allI got out before the night exploded into a white light so bright it not onlyblinded me but blasted my eardrums with sound, somehow.