Page 32 of Bold Mercy

I clenched my fists and a growl rose within me. Yes. I understood. But I wanted this alpha. I wanted Jared. Not just in bed, I had to admit, though I’d told him that was all I wanted. He knew better. He knew I wanted him the way he wanted me. As more than just a fuck.

I was extraordinarily drawn to him, which made me think that there was more at work here than mere physical attraction. My wolf wanted to submit to him. She wanted to live for him. And that scared the absolute crap out of me.

I realized at that moment that my mother was only ever free, only ever herself, after my father’s death. His death had nearly killed her, because he had been the only thing in the world that mattered to her. He’d dominated my childhood and wasn’t it the truth that I barely remembered her there?

I loved my mother. So much. But I absolutely did not want to be like her—at least not the way she was with my father.

I moved my face slightly, sliding my lips against his. I opened my mouth, touching him, tasting him. And there was nothing better to me or to my wolf. He pressed his heat against me and deepened the kiss, and I was so taken by him, by his dominance, his heart, and his sex, that I almost said yes. I almost said yes, I will be your mate, I will let you rule me and my heart, and I will belong to you.

The alpha of the Gray Shadow Pack hadn’t gotten down on bended knee and offered me a ring, but he’d just asked me to be his mate. And no matter how I felt about anything else, that was…that was huge. And I would never forget it.

But I could not accept.

Because he would not accept an alpha as his mate, and I wasn’t changing who I was for him, or for anyone.

Not even for my insanely upset wolf.

There was a lot we didn’t say. I love you, for instance, or I could love you. Or I feel like we were meant to be, and my heart is breaking. But he took his lips from mine and for a few seconds, we simply stared into each other’s eyes. I pulled his scent deep inside me, because that was the only part of him I could get, and I slid my hands over his arms to intertwine my fingers with his. He, though, was the one to speak. Apparently there were some things he could say.

“It’s not the end for us, wolf. I’m not walking away.”

I squeezed his fingers and finally, I pushed myself out of his arms. “I am.” Then I turned back to look at him over my shoulder. “For now.”

He grinned, and we left it there, in the woods.

For now.