Page 68 of Judge of Saints and Sinners

But even as I stared at the guards, daring them to look at my mate as she tried to get cleaned up for rest, I wondered just how any of this could move forward.

I could have forever with her.

But she would be trapped with me.

One of us was getting the better end of the deal. The guilt nearly suffocated me, and I dwelled in that place, the depression welling up inside of me, until I felt Justine’s fingers on my neck once more.

I moved habitually, rinsing my mouth and taking care of my meager bodily needs before crawling into the thin and narrow bed beside her. Tall as she might be for a human woman, I dwarfed her. Finally she rolled over, showing me her back as I curled closer.

“Always the big spoon,” she murmured, her hips moving against my palms as I pressed her closer.

“I don’t know what that means, but I do not take it as a compliment.”

She snorted but did not press back. I smiled into the dark. Behind me, across the room, I could hear the soldiers speaking. It was a change of shift, and they were supposed to check in with their master first.

I growled slightly. I didn't like the idea of seeing "Corrupted” again. His name—I had forgotten his name. But I knew enough. Those dark eyes… He was a corrupted soul, one the Drude’s forces had freed from the Underworld and implanted into a human form here. He would be hard to kill, impossible maybe, as long as the Drude’s power fed him. And if I were to kill the human he was using as a prop, there was no guarantee that the soul inside would indeed die and pass back to the River.

I could hear their footsteps as they passed through the doors. They were bold now, made bolder by the witch's power that surrounded this place. Even now, it pressed against me, smothering the power that bubbled ever higher in Justine’s presence.

“Are they gone?”

“Only for a short time, but yes.”

Justine’s voice hitched. “Nephesh?”

“Yes?”

“Show me.”

“Show you…?” I didn’t understand. I pushed up on an elbow so I could stare down into her eyes. My shoulder blades ached where my wings were glamoured away, but I ignored it.

“What would it be like…to be a demon’s mate?”

I dropped my head, forehead pressing against her shoulder. “Justine… Not here.”

“Then when? You are so fixated on the perfect moment, the perfect situation, the perfect conversation. There is no perfect here. Not in my world. And I won’t keep waiting for it to not enjoy the life we are gifted now.”

I stared at her. She had wanted me once, before she knew what being with me might mean. And now, she was staring back at me, truth shining in her eyes as pressed her hips back against me once again.

“Nephesh,” she said, her body flush to mine.

I groaned, my hand on her hip tightening hard enough that she squirmed. I released her, trying to put more distance between us on this narrow bed. But in my head, I knew that I only moved a little bit. Inside, I was desperate to know. To know her more, to feel her against me, under me once again.

I leaned over her, pressing my forehead to the side of her head as she settled against the mattress. “You cannot understand what you would be doing.”

“We were already together, Nephesh. I don’t understand…”

“Because as I am now, my demon self grows ever stronger. And demons don’t share.”

“I don't want to be shared.”

I shook my head ever so slightly, my white hair mixing with her bright-red locks. “I mean that it would be forever.”

“And you don’t want that…” Her voice was oddly detached.

I growled. “I’m more than ready to give up anyone else, everyone else, but I don't think you understand what it would mean to bind yourself to me.”

She sat up now, twisting to glare down at me. “You keep saying I don’t understand, but have you ever thought that maybe I do know exactly what I'm doing? That it’s you who is scared? You are the one who backs away. You are the one who hesitates. I have been here, Nephesh, the whole time. From the deal to this moment, to the way he questioned me. I have been all in.”