Page 58 of Judge of Saints and Sinners

I whimpered a little when they closed the door after them, the lights slowly fading to a dim gray. Between the darkness and the claustrophobia of the gag in my mouth, fear warred common sense in my mind.

As I lay there, staring up, I let my mind wander. U realized for the first time that the hum in my chest, the thing that always connected Judge and me, was still there. He’d taken his soul, yes, but something remained. I closed my eyes, feeling that soft hum, the rustle of power that reminded me of the way his wings had felt against my palms when we flew together that night. It was so real. It was so tangible, I could almost pretend that he was right here.

Here, I could admit it, even if it was just to myself. I wished he was here, grumpy face, beautiful. I would give nearly anything to see him for more time. Especially knowing what I knew now. That when they found out what I’d already done, then I was as good as dead. For the second time in my life, my soul was suddenly the biggest bargaining chip I had. Too bad I’d already given it away.

19

Nephesh

I stared at my missing soul.

“Do you know what you are risking?” Atlas’s voice rose in pitch as he leaned over in the chair he’d taken upon entering the courthouse apartment. I’d not bothered to even snarl at him when he barged in just a few moments before. I was transfixed. And now, it seemed so was he.

“You are carrying your soul around? Why don’t you put us all out of our misery and absorb it?”

“You know why I must be careful.”

Atlas raised a hand as if to stroke the flame that danced at the center of my palm but then thought better of it. Maybe it was the fact that every one of my teeth was showing as he flopped back in his seat once more. “You were a very bad guy, once upon a time. I know. We all know. We are trained on that, just as we are trained to avoid you in that state.”

“Your point? It seems you are only proving mine.”

“The demon who acted that way was different, untethered and wild. You are…” Atlas paused, his hands circling midair as he searched for the word. “Different now.”

“How so?”

“You want me to spell it out?’

I snarled.

“Fine, okay, so you have spent your entire existence judging others, a task that eventually left you acting as a weapon against those who were bad enough to warrant it. You didn’t have a path of your own. When you took on the Courthouse, when you built the dam, you started to change. Everyone noticed. The magic changed too, brought more jurors, brought more peace.”

“And then Anna died.”

“She did, and you got off the rail a little. But now, Nephesh, I barely recognize you. You are grounded.” He nodded to the soul I held. “You are complete, and I’m not just talking about the soul.”

I glared at him. “Careful, soldier, or I will smite you where you stand.”

“Go ahead and try,” Atlas growled, leveling me with a harsh look. “You know that I’m right. All you have to do now is let it happen. Trust in the good.”

I snarled in response, surprised once again that my teeth remained human, flat and useless in my threat. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Atlas leaned back once more, eyeing my clothing for the day. “We know what happens when a demon stays in the living world too long. And now you return, holding a soul and pretending that it is completely ordinary.”

Her gifted soul, the half of mine I’d been searching so long to find, leaped in my hand, the soft red flame dancing on my palm. It wasn’t often that souls appeared like this. When a living being passed, their soul, mimicking their early forms, was carried here looking nearly alive in the Underworld.

But not mine. It was pure fire, wild and unbothered as I held it. But at the same time, I knew there were differences. Because Atlas was correct. In only a few years within her, my soul was forever changed. She hadn’t just carried my soul but improved upon it. And improved upon me.

Yet, I still knew what it meant. What I could do once my soul was complete once more. To put this soul back inside of me, it would mean that I would be restored. My future as the heir of Hell settled as surely as if I had built the world myself.

I stilled. “I am afraid.”

“You're afraid? Of your own soul?”

“You were not here when I was at full power. Before Anna, before Kadmiel was even born.”

“I don’t understand.”

I cocked my head, moving my fingers around the soul. “The firstborn son of Hell, bred and raised to do my father’s bidding.”