Page 67 of Own It

Though I was gon’ murk Leonard soon as he said he didn’t have my money, I wanted to be sure his brother that he often worked with couldn’t profit off this shit for a minute. If I was losing bread, they were gon’ lose that shit too.

Josias and I grabbed up the money Leonard did have and then parted ways.

FIFTEEN

daylin

COUPLE DAYS LATER . . .

“So you’re okay?” My father’s deep voice reverberated through the phone while Rakim sat off to the side of me.

I could barely focus because he smelled so good, looked so fine, and I couldn’t remove the feeling of his mouth between my legs from my mind or skin, even though it was for only two seconds.

“I am.”

“How are you being treated, baby girl? I pray not like an animal.” I could hear the slight tremble in my father’s tone as if he would break down any minute upon hearing anything earth-shattering.

“I’m fine. I promise. I just want you to keep doing what you’re doing so I can get out of here and come home,” I said, sighing.

I felt Rakim look my way, and when our eyes bolted to one another’s, I could see some slight discomfort in his gaze, making me immediately try to recall what I’d said to bother him.

“I know. The odds are still fifty-fifty, but that’s better than what it used to be where I felt like he and his family should’ve been looking into hospice.”

My dad’s words reminded me of the terrible shit Rakim had revealed to me about my dad.

“Why did you go on vacation and push his surgery back? Because you’d lost hope? I pray you have a very good reason for that, Daddy.”

Silence lingered for a while before he said, “I’m glad you’re alright, Day.”

“Yeah, me too,” I threw out, disappointed that my father ignored my question. Nevertheless, it told me that Rakim hadn’t been embellishing on what he’d told me. “Have you spoken to Shaun, or has he said anything?”

“No, I haven’t. I honestly forgot about the boy.”

He always referred to Shaun as ‘the boy.’ My father found it more difficult than calculus to show Shaun any respect.

“Alright,” I responded, disappointed that Shaun had seemingly let up on communicating with me, knowing he could at least pass messages through my father.

Same time, I was displeased with myself for expecting more of Shaun. He’d shown me long ago what type of man he was and would be. I should’ve decided then on if I would accept where he lacked or move on instead of waiting for his ass to mature or do more. Shaun just wasn’t husband material, and I wished I’d accepted that long ago.

I guess the good parts about him, like staying with me even while celibate and not having anyone approach me as a woman during our two-year plus relationship, among other minor things, kept me on the hook. But I knew it wasn’t enough, and I blamed myself for not having the gumption to drop his ass.

Women, especially myself, needed to stop feeling guilty for leaving what society deemed a good man. If I didn’t like you or want you, that should be enough.

I closed the phone, handing it back to Rakim, not missing the way he ignored any eye contact. He didn’t appear to be angry, though, more like he was in a somber mood.

“Aight.” He got ready to stand, but I touched his arm, putting a little pressure, to let him know I didn’t want him to stand or leave just yet.

“I wanted to tell you I really had fun the night we had wine, food, and conversation.” I beamed, reaching up to touch his face, gliding the pad of my thumb across the scar beneath his eye.

“You just told yo’ pops you was ready to dip, so it couldn’t have been too much fun, right?”

So that was what it was.

“I just said that to be sure he keeps helping Talid. I don’t want him thinking I’m living like I’m at an all-inclusive resort and start lacking or taking shit less seriously.” I explained the truth.

I couldn’t tell my father that I was fine where I was, and I would prefer he take a little longer so I could spend more time with Rakim, no matter how true it was.

Rakim stared at me for a beat as if he were trying to detect whether I was being truthful.