Page 103 of Viking

I shake my head, disbelief mixing with the hurt. “You were just gone, Logan. And I don’t mean physically. I understand deployment. I understand this life. But leaving…the way that you did and then not a single call. Not even a text or email.”

“I know.” His voice is raw. “I thought I was protecting you.”

My laugh is bitter and sharp. “Protecting me? That’s what you call it?”

“I didn’t know how to fix it. To fix us,” he admits, running a hand through his hair. His thick dark locks are a bit longer on top than when he left but the rest looks freshly cut. “After Ryan, after everything… I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”

“You didn’t give me the choice,” I whisper.

Pain flashes across his face. “I know. I’m sorry, Lila.”

I want to stay angry. I want to hold on to the hurt because it’s easier than acknowledging how badly I’ve missed him. But my eyes betray me, cataloging the changes in him—the way his left shoulder no longer seems stiff, the way his hands don’t tremble like they did before. He’s steadier. Stronger.

But am I?

“What do you want from me, Logan?” I close my eyes and inhale deeply, slightly frustrated with the way my voice shakes making me sound as weak as I am.

His lips part, and for the first time since he walked through my door, there’s no hesitation. “You.” His voice is sure. “I want you, Lila. I’ve always wanted you.”

I shake my head, backing up, but the wall behind me doesn’t let me go far. “You don’t get to say that. It’s too late.”

“I’m not pretending this is easy. I don’t expect you to forgive me overnight.” He exhales sharply. “But I love you. I never stopped. And I can’t stay away anymore.”

Don’t you get it? I don’t love you.

His words still echo in my mind on a loop.

I blink back the burn of tears. “You can’t just come back and—” My voice breaks. “You already broke us once.”

“I’ll spend the rest of my life proving I won’t do it again.”

The rest of my life.

My breath shudders.

He makes his way toward me, stepping around my desk and stopping less than a foot in front of me. “I’m not asking you to trust me today,” he says, softer now. He reaches for me, his large hand gently cupping my cheek. “I just need you to know that I’m here. That I’m not going anywhere.”

I involuntarily lean into his touch, my eyelids fluttering closed as I breathe him in. It takes me a few long seconds to pull away from his warmth.

I should tell him to leave.

I should protect myself, build my walls higher, make it impossible for him to hurt me again.

But the truth is, I love him.

I love him in a way that defies logic, in a way that feels like both my greatest strength and my deepest wound. And no matter how much I want to deny it, no matter how badly he’s broken me—he’s still the only person who’s ever felt like home.

Hampton, Virginia

October 10, 2024

1040

Logan

Lila’s green eyes pierce straight through me, stripping me bare. I’ve faced enemy fire, seen death more times than I can count, but standing here, helpless, in front of her, knowing I’m the one who put that pain in her eyes, it’s a different kind of hell.

“I know that I fucked up, Lila. I fucked up so bad I don’t even know how to fix it,” I say, my voice low, rough.