Page 58 of Back to Square One

“Was it—” Rowan could barely get the words out, had to clear her throat and try again. “Was it true?”

Evie’s gaze never left hers as she slowly shook her head.

A sob burst from Rowan’s lungs. “Goddamn it. Then why? Why would you do that to me? I don’t understand. I just…I can’t understand…”

Evie opened her mouth to speak at the same time the front door opened, revealing Rowan’s mother, whose face registered a quick succession of surprise, then worry, then when her eyes landed on Evie, concern and a zap of anger.

“Oh. Sorry, I…” Rowan’s mom held up the recyclable grocery bag that hung from her hand. “I picked up a few things and wanted to see if you were okay.” Her gaze moved from Rowan to Evie, then back and forth again before they stopped on Evie. “Evelyn.”

Evie gave one nod. “Mrs. Thomas.”

Returning her gaze to Rowan, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t realize you had…company.”

Rowan pushed to her feet. “It’s okay. Evie was just leaving.” If her mom noticed Evie’s startled expression, she didn’t show it, but it took a few seconds for Evie to understand their conversation was over. Finally, she stood up and looped her bag over her shoulder.

“I’d really like to finish our conversation,” she said quietly, as if Rowan’s mom couldn’t hear her.

“Yeah, I need some time,” Rowan said, moving around her mother and reaching for the doorknob. She tried hard to ignore the crestfallen look on Evie’s face.

“Okay. I get that.” More nodding from Evie. It seemed like that was her go-to response now. She stepped over the threshold of the doorway but turned back to meet Rowan’s eyes. “I’ll reach out later.”

Rowan’s turn to nod, and then she shut the door, rested her forehead against it, and stood there.

And stood there.

She heard her mother moving before she felt her come up behind her. A warm hand slid across her shoulders. “Sweetie? You okay?”

Rowan shook her head because words were now lodged in her throat and refused to come out. She turned to face her mother, still shaking her head, and then the dam broke, as if her body just couldn’t hold the emotion in any longer. A sob burst up from her chest, and the tears didn’t even bother to well up first. They just spilled out and ran a race down her cheeks.

“Oh, honey,” her mother said softly as she opened her arms and wrapped up her daughter. “I know.” She ran a hand down Rowan’s hair, her back, and just held her. “I know, sweetie.” After a moment, her mom moved them to the couch so they could sit, but she kept Rowan wrapped in her arms and let her cry for as long as she needed to.

And it was a while. Rowan lost track of time, even while she was busy being amazed at how many tears she apparently had to shed about this situation. Maybe she was making up for the lost memories of the first time she and Evie split? Even though she didn’t technically remember the whole time, she had to have been devastated, right?

After a while, the sobbing did start to ease up. It changed to little hiccups and then to tears only, before she was able to hold a conversation with her mom.

“I just don’t understand,” she said finally, quietly, her head against her mother’s shoulder. She gave her mom the quick and dirty version to catch her up, and she took it surprisingly well, shaking her head and tsking and whispering, “Oh, no, poor Evie,” at various times during the story.

Rowan sat up and reached for a tissue from the box on an end table. She wiped her face and blew her nose before flopping against the back of the couch with a hard sigh. “I just don’t understand,” she said again. “How could she think dumping me would be better than letting me help her?” Her mom was quiet for so long that Rowan wondered if she hadn’t heard her. But when she turned to look at her, she had an odd look on her face. “Mom? You okay?”

“People do strange things when faced with their own mortality,” she said, her voice wistful.

“I mean, I get that, but—”

“No. No, you don’t. I thought I did, too, but you really can’t say you get it unless you’ve walked in those shoes. I haven’t, and neither have you.”

Rowan took a beat, then nodded. “That’s true.”

“Remember my friend Cindy?” Her mom smoothed her hands down her thighs. “I mean, you wouldn’t remember much about her, she passed away when you were just young.”

“I know who she is. You’ve talked about her.” Rowan watched her mother’s face. “She died of cancer, right?”

Her mom nodded slowly. “She did.”

“So young. That must’ve been awful.”

“It was. But you know what would’ve been worse?” Her mom turned to meet her gaze, and the emotion in her eyes was crackling. Fierce. “If I had listened to her when she told me to stay away.”

Rowan flinched, her surprise hitting her like a slap. “What?”