Page 36 of The Marriage Playbook

Cara lay very still, her eyes closed, hoping that she could fall back into the dream she’d been having.

In her semiconscious state, she didn’t remember much about it, only that it had been lovely. She had been so happy. She recalled blissful sensations, exhilaration buzzing through her, big, rough hands, a voice moaning her name…

Her eyes flew open.

The ceiling above her head was higher than what she was used to in the guest bedroom at Liam’s house.

This wasn’t that bedroom.

It was real. It had happened.

She closed her eyes again, feeling oddly tearful, her body shivering with overwhelm. She had never meant it to go this far, and yet…she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. She was glad it had happened.

It won’t lead to anything. It can’t. He’s still going to want to end the marriage, and once he does, his public image won’t allow us to keep seeing each other. None of this makes sense if the story goes that we split up and then start dating. It will muddy the waters too much.

It was like a shot of liquor, slowing her revved-up system, bringing her down.

Last night had been so wonderful, but it couldn’t last.

She sat up. The other side of the bed was empty. She reached over to touch it and found it warm. Liam was gone, but he’d been here recently.

Did he have the same thoughts I did? Did he think about what happened and decide it was a mistake? I don’t think it was a mistake. I’m glad we did it even if that has to be the only time. But what if Liam doesn’t feel that way?

She dabbed at her eyes, embarrassed that she was so emotional. It wasn’t like her to let a man get to her like this. There’d been hookups before, of course, one-night stands, and she had occasionally felt messy afterward, but never this shaky and distraught. She had never really minded the thought that there wasn’t going to be a repeat performance.

Why was this different? Was it just that everything had been so good? She had to admit that he was the best she’d ever had. She’d completely lost track of herself while they were in bed together. Even now, the whole thing seemed as if it had been lifted out of a fantasy.

But it was more than that. She closed her eyes, trying to figure it out, trying to understand why she was so affected.

“You all right?”

Her eyes flew open. Liam was standing in the doorway, two cups of coffee in his hand. He was wearing nothing but his boxers, and for a moment Cara lost her breath at the sight of him. Those muscles, the planes of his body, his tanned, smooth skin with sparse hair across the chest… Oh, if I could design a man, this is what he would look like.

Liam came into the room and handed her one of the mugs. “I just thought you might want a coffee,” he said. “I hope I didn’t worry you by being away.”

“No.” How could she explain that her anxiety had been so much larger than simple worry over where he was? “This was really nice of you. Thanks.”

He sat down beside her, turned backward on the bed so that they were face-to-face. “Is everything all right?” he asked gently, resting his free hand on her ankle. It was such a strange, intimate way for him to touch her. There was no agenda in it, no sexual intent, and yet it was impossible to imagine being touched like that by anyone she hadn’t just spent the night with.

It unlocked her. She gave him half a smile and told the truth. “I’m just a little sad,” she said.

“Sad? Hey, that’s not what a guy wants to hear after a night like that one.”

“No. I know. I’m sorry,” she said.

“You don’t need to apologize. But did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all.” She sighed. “You did everything right, actually. That was…amazing. That whole night was amazing.”

His thumb moved slowly over her ankle bone, lighting a smoldering fire that she didn’t want to think too hard about. “What’s the problem, then?”

“The problem is that it’s us, Liam.” She put her mug down on the bedside table and gave him her full attention. “This is a fake marriage. Nothing about it was built to last. Not that…not that I’m thinking about it lasting,” she added quickly, feeling heat come into her face. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…that was a one-and-done thing, and I guess I’m feeling a little sad about it. Like coming home from a vacation you’ve really been looking forward to and realizing everything is over.”

A small grin split his face. “So you were really looking forward to that, huh?”

She groaned and buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know why I thought I could talk to you about this.”

“Hey.” He took her wrists and pulled them away so he could look her in the eye. “You know I’m only teasing you, Cara. I know you weren’t expecting it any more than I was. But…well, why does it have to be a one-time thing?”