Page 136 of Certified To Handle You 2

“Leave it alone,” I told her while lookin’ down at my hands. “I don’t want you sayin’ nothin’ to him.”

“Why not?” Toni asked. “He need somebody to tell him he can’t keep doin’ whatever the fuck he want just ‘cause he mad.”

“He already know he can’t,” I replied. “He just don’t give a fuck, and you sayin’ somethin’ ain’t gon’ suddenly make him find sense.”

Toni got quiet ‘cause she knew I was right.

“I don’t wanna add nothin’ else to it,” I continued. “I cussed Reni out, and that shit turned into Renza flyin’ here and puttin’ Couture in a trunk. Every time somebody touch this situation, itget worse. I’m leavin’ it alone before that nigga come back and do somethin’ crazier.”

Toni sighed before askin’, “You think he would?”

“I ain’t think he would do this,” I answered. “That’s the problem.”

The more I thought about it, the less pissed off I felt about Reni.

A few days ago, seein’ Renza laid up in her bed had me ready to fight everybody. I was hurt ‘cause he lied to me, and I hated knowin’ another bitch had him while he was beggin’ me to come home. Now none of that shit mattered the way it did before. Reni could keep his crazy muthafuckin’ ass.

She could post him, sleep beside him and argue with him about whatever the fuck she wanted. I wasn’t competin’ for a nigga who believed love gave him the right to terrorize everybody around me.

“At this point, I’m leavin’ Renza where he at,” I told Toni. “He can do whatever the fuck he wanna do in Trill-Land, and I’m finna go on with my life.”

“You sure?” Toni asked carefully.

I stared through the windshield for a second before answerin’. “I gotta be.”

There was a difference between wantin’ somebody and bein’ safe enough to build a life with them. Renza knew how to make me feel shit Couture couldn’t, but he also knew how to make me afraid of what lovin’ him would cost.

I had spent so much time worried that I would lose myself if I went with Renza. After what he did to Couture, I knew that fear wasn’t just somethin’ I made up in my head.

Renza ain’t understand limits when his feelin’s got involved. Every boundary became somethin’ he had to break through. Every person who stood between us became somebody he believed he had the right to remove.

I loved him, but I couldn’t live like that.

“You still there?” Toni asked after I stayed quiet too long.

“Yeah,” I replied while rubbin’ my hand across my forehead. “I’m outside Couture apartment.”

“You goin’ up?”

“I am,” I answered. “I just needed a minute first.”

Toni lowered her voice before she spoke again. “Be careful, and not just with Renza. Be careful with Couture too. That man hurt and embarrassed, and even if he ain’t takin’ it out on you, that shit sittin’ somewhere.”

“I know,” I replied.

Eventually, we said bye and ended the call, but I stayed inside my car a few minutes longer. My phone rested in my lap while I looked toward Couture’s apartment again.

Before I went upstairs, there was one more thing I needed to do.

I opened the hidden folder on my phone. Renza’s face filled the screen as soon as it opened. There was videos of us laid up together, pictures from the museum and clips of him drivin’ with one hand wrapped around mine. There was a picture of the flowers he had arranged for me and another one of him sleepin’ beside me on the daybed with his arm stretched across my waist. Us kissin’ out eatin’ and a bunch of other shit I wanted to forget. I stared at everything longer than I should’ve.

These pictures belonged to another version of us. They belonged to the week when I thought maybe love could be enough to make me ignore everything else. Back then, Renza’s possessiveness felt like passion. The way he wanted me all to his self made me feel chosen, even when I knew it wasn’t healthy.

Now I saw that shit differently…

I selected every picture and every video, then pressed delete. The phone asked if I was sure. My thumb hovered over the button while my chest started hurtin’, but I forced myself topress it. The folder emptied, and for a second, I stared at the blank screen like I had just erased more than some pictures. Then I went into our messages.

There was months of texts between us. Some was arguments, some was some freaky shit and some was so full of love that I had to stop myself from readin’ ‘em again. I selected the whole conversation and deleted it before one message could talk me into holdin’ on. I also erased his voicemail last.