Page 19 of To Regret a Raven

He turned in his seat to take in his cousin’s incredulous expression. “And I couldn’t reciprocate. And it was destroying me.”

Connor pinched the bridge of his nose. “So what I can’t figure out is why you don’t think you loved her?”

“Because!” Fisher exploded. “Love is passion. It’s crazy. I’ve spent every day of my life watching my parents fight. Your parents too. Rena and me. It’s always the same. Even you and Katie. Y’all have it out over something every single time I see you guys. And me and Drie…We just didn’t have that.”

“Dude…” Connor groaned. “Fighting doesn’tmeanpassion. And we don’t talk about it, but Katie and I are separated. We’re getting divorced.” He checked the monitor, watching as baby Jojo rolled over in the crib. “Sometimes, fighting is just fighting.”

“Shit. I’m sorry to hear that.” Fisher sighed. “And also sorry that I’ve shown up to lay all my drama on your literal doorstep while you’ve got your own shit going on.”

Connor shook his shoulder lightly. “Seriously, don’t mention it. It’s been a long time coming. She’s already dating other people. We’re co-parenting. There’s not much to discuss.”

Fisher nodded, rubbing his eyes roughly with the base of his palms.

“So why do you think you guys had no passion? Did the sex suck?” he asked, making Fisher straighten up quickly in shock.

“Not at all. She’s the best I’ve ever had.”

“Well, did you think she was boring? Like, as a person? Wanted to try the bachelor life for a bit?”

“Hell no,” he said, his voice vehement. “She’s the most interesting person I know. All I think about is Drie. If she’d let me, I’d be with her right now. No offense.”

“Offense taken, but whatever.” Connor shrugged. “So you’re telling me that the only reason you broke up with your self-proclaimed dream woman is the fact that the two of you…got along?”

Fisher dropped his head back against the headrest. “That’s an extreme oversimplification.” He sighed, trying to figure out a way to articulate the feelings he didn’t understand himself.“When I was with Rena, everything was a battle. Even down to picking what we wanted for lunch. We’d have these exhausting fights where she’d scream and cry, and I’d walk away, but then it always led to these huge talks, or gestures, or makeup sex, and it brought us closer together.” He paused, staring at the side paneling of Connor’s home, lost in his thoughts. “Drie and I never did that. I tried to instigate a fight once, and she made me tea to feel better.Tea.It was too easy. She became my best friend, and I never developed that sense of…desperationthat comes with love. When we disagreed, we just talked it through. Like a business deal or some shit. I mean, who does that? We were just…”

“Happy?” Connor filled in sardonically, shaking his head slowly in disbelief. “My man, youareabsolutely, wholeheartedly in love with that woman. Some people don’t need to fight. You and I come from a long line of hotheads, but that was never you. You’ve always been the chill one, brother. That’s why you and Rena were never going to work. She’s a firecracker, and you’re just not.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Well, it’s not abadthing. Sometimes, opposites work, but you two were opposites in the wrong way, you know? You’re like…Hm. You’re like…aniceberg. Yeah.” He nodded, one corner of his mouth tipping up, clearly pleased with his choices. “A firecracker and an iceberg. Just doesn’t work, man. Make sense?”

“No, not at all. You sound fucking insane. How am I a fucking iceberg?”

“Well…” He grinned. “You’re generally pretty chill, and you don’t really adapt very well to change, and you clearly feel a lot deeper than would be expected by looking at you.” Connor shrugged, and Fisher squinted at him, almost certain his cousin was fucking with him. “Regardless, opposites attracting is justabout finding balance in your life. We look for people whose personalities make up for gaps in our own. Like how grumpy people match with happy people. The happy person keeps the couple moving forward, while the grumpy person keeps them grounded. Or”—he snapped his fingers—“think about Uncle Mark and Aunt Kris. Outspoken people like Aunt Kris need mellow partners like Uncle Mark to handle the moredelicate situations, while Uncle Mark needs a partner like Crazy Kris to take on the less delicate situations, like telling the waiter when his order is wrong. Get it?”

He didn’t wait for Fisher to respond before charging forward in his monologue. “So yes, you and Rena were opposites in many ways, but not in the ways thatbalanced. Rena was a firecracker, and firecrackers are fun and exciting and a bit dangerous, but they’re not going to do shit when mixed with an iceberg. Maybe carve out a small crater at best. You don’t need a firecracker, you need something more gradual, like…I don’t know?—”

“Global warming?” Fisher offered dryly.

Connor cackled. “Uh, no, I was thinking something a bit more peaceful. Maybe lava? Nah. I don’t know. Someone free and playful—someone who will keep you from getting stuck in life, without changing who you are.”

Fisher wasn’t sure if the past few weeks of emotional turmoil had irreparably damaged his frontal lobe, or if Connor was actually making some sense with his hippie rambles, but a cold dread slowly began to spread through his veins, making him feel even more like the iceberg his cousin kept calling him.

“Like a bird,” he whispered.

He could feel Connor staring at him. “Uh, sure, Fisher. Not really the direction I was heading, but alright. A bird analogy works.”

“Do uh, ravens live near icebergs?” he asked quickly.

“Oh, for sure. There are loads of ravens in the Arctic. They’re one of the most adaptable birds that exist.” Connor frowned down at the monitor. “So this is getting weirdly specific, and little dude is waking back up. Carmen is sitting with him, but I need to get back inside before she tries to pull him out of the crib or some shit. Did you want to stay a while?”

“Nah.” He was already shaking his head and reaching for his seat belt. “I gotta go.”

Connor smiled, clapping his shoulder hard before stepping from the truck. “Good luck. And maybe bring her around here sometimes, alright? I miss you, man.”

Fisher nodded. He knew he had a lot of relationships to repair. But for now, he had only one objective in mind: find Drie.

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