Page 75 of Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad World

Even though his words were spoken softly, it was as if they echoed off the warehouse walls. His heart raced at his confession, and his palms became damp. It took him a second to realize that what he felt was fear. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of rejection. Fear of screwing up.

Noah cleared his throat and spoke again—this time, looking at his dead wife. “I’ve been making choices out of fear, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

Therese nodded, and with a small smile curving her lips, she faded from sight, leaving him alone with Annabelle.

The real-life woman sitting in front of him frowned. “I don’t understand. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

“Bella.” He rubbed at his chest—where his admissions hurt the most. “I told myself that by disrupting the Demons’ network, we’d buy you safety. We both know that isn’t true. Their network is too big, and all we did last night was prod the bear.” He smiled ruefully. “More than one, actually, because now the DA’s office is mad too.”

“But you had the right intentions…” She sounded unsure.

Noah didn’t blame her. “I didn’t go out last night to somehow eliminate the threat against you, although that’s what I told myself. I thought I was being professional, that I was getting the job done for the client, and that I had your best interests at heart.” He rubbed a hand down his face, disgusted with himself. “It’s all lies, Bella. There was no noble intent, and there sure as hell wasn’t a wise decision involved. I promised to stay by your side and be your main protector, and I didn’t do that. If you’ll give me another chance, I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“I don’t expect you to be perfect,” she said. “Nobody is. And I realize you can’t be with me twenty-four seven. I was just freaked when I woke up and found out you’d sneaked off after…”

“After we’d been close in bed?”

Annabelle nodded. “It felt like you’d run out on me, which is stupid because nothing happened. Between us, I mean. But I was scared for you too. I didn’t know where you were or if you were in danger.”

“I’m really sorry.” Noah was happy to tell her that as often as it took to make her believe him. “And something did happenbetween us. We both know that. Getting into bed with you isn’t part of the job description.”

“Then why did you sneak out to do something you clearly didn’t think you should be doing?”

“I was scared.”

“Of me?”

She scooted closer to perch on the edge of the sofa in front of him. Her expression was easy to read and filled with confusion and perhaps a little hope. Either that or it was just wishful thinking on his part.

“Of the things you make me feel,” he confessed softly.

“Forme?” From her adorable little frown, he wasn’t making himself any clearer.

“Yeah,foryou. I shared a bed with you. I slept beside you.” His face heated with embarrassment, and he tried to shrug it off. “I’ve been holding on to Therese for five years, telling myself that getting close to another woman would betray her memory. Betray the love and commitment we shared. When, really, I was just terrified of getting close to another person who could be taken away from me. No, ripped away.”

“She was the love of your life,” Annabelle said with compassion and understanding.

Noah shook his head. “No, she was the love of my youth, and I need to let go. I get that now. We met in kindergarten and loved each other as friends before recognizing it as more. We grew up together, made a family together. She was always there. Always a part of my life. And I believed she was my whole life.” He hesitated, his heart beating so loudly he could barely hear himself think above it. “Until you.”

“Noah,” she whispered.

“You got under my skin, Bella. More than that, it was as though you just sauntered through the defenses I’d built afterTherese died. You made me feel again, want again, need again. You terrified me.”

Wide, stunned eyes blinked at him. “Past tense,” she whispered. “You aren’t terrified of me anymore?”

“Oh, believe me, I’m scared out of my mind.” He chuckled mirthlessly.

“I know you think you’re making sense,” she said. “But I’m kinda lost here. What are you saying? What do you want?”

“Right now”—an unusual calm settled over him—”I very much want to kiss you.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

And she wanted to kiss him too. She had done from the moment he’d crashed into her life like a loyal—but fierce—bulldog to protect her.

Still, she needed to be clear. “So, you’re attracted to me but felt guilty because you were worried it was betraying your dead wife? Or is it that you were afraid of letting yourself get close to anyone again in case you got hurt?”

“All of the above,” he said, his eyes sparkling.