Page 61 of Come Fly With Me

“I know.” Keir wiped his eyes. “It’s hilarious. Carry on.” He waved at the screen.

“She needs to be easily trainable,” Ambrose said. “I like my clothes laundered and pressed a certain way. And I have food allergies, which means my meals need special attention. I don’t want someone who’s noisy, as that would disrupt my work. No late-night socializing.” He appeared to think about that. “Can we ask her how many friends she has and how often she’d expect to see them? Perhaps set limits on when they’re welcome in our home. Once a month? I need to think about that some more.

“Oh, and I don’t drive,” Ambrose continued. “It’s not that I can’t. I just prefer not to. So, my wife will do all of the driving.”

“He can’t be serious,” Keir said. “Nobody’s like this.”

Mairi snorted. “You’re about to meet his mother.”

Sure enough, an older woman walked into view. Perfectly made-up, she wore a twinset and pearls and had not a hair out of place. Smiling at the camera, she placed a hand on Ambrose’s shoulder. “Have you mentioned your pet allergies, darling?”

“No, thank you for reminding me, mother.” He turned back to the camera. “I’m allergic to everything but reptiles, and I don’t like those.”

Keir started laughing again.

Ambrose’s mother nodded her head in approval. “I’m just about to take your father to his bridge game. There’s a meal warming for you in the oven, and I’ve mended your favorite Star Wars shirt. Is there anything you need while I’m out?”

“I can’t think of anything.”

His mother nodded and bent over Ambrose’s seat so he could press a kiss to her cheek.

“Don’t forget you have a dentist appointment tomorrow. We’ll leave here at ten. Good night, darling.” She disappeared from the frame.

“Bloody hell,” Keir said.

“Tell me about it,” Mairi muttered. “But here comes the best bit.”

“It’s crucial that my wife understand she is never to touch my valuables.”

“Going to be hard to have sex twice on a Sundaywithouttouching them,” Keir said.

“Stop it.” But Mairi was laughing. “He means his collector’s crap. There’s a Captain America shield above his bed that’s still wrapped in plastic to ‘keep it good’.”

“He showed you his bed?”

She nodded. “As well as every single figurine he’s collected over his lifetime. He has the entire cast ofLord of the Rings. And his wife isn’t to touch any of it. Ever. Or it’s divorce.”

“Good to know she’ll have an easy out.”

“This is serious,” Mairi said. “How am I going to match him? I wouldn’t wish him on anyone.”

NowthatKeir could agree with. He folded his arms and sat back in his chair while considering the man in front of them.

“What you need,” he said, “is a transition woman. Someone who’ll knock all this crap out of him before you present him with a prospective wife.”

“But that wouldn’t be fair to the first woman. It’s times like this that I deeply regret my motto of ‘We turn no one away. There’s a match out there for everyone.’ I really need to take that off my website.”

“I’ve got it!” Keir sat up straight, beaming at his own genius. “Hire one of the Benson Security women. Nothing fazes them. Somebody like Megan Raast would knock sense into this guy over a weekend.”

Mairi cocked her head to one side as if considering it. They’d met most of the Benson Security team, as Mairi’s eldest sister, Isobel, was married to one of the partners.

“I suppose it could work…” She scrunched up her face with worry. “You don’t think it’s mean?”

“No,” he assured his soft-hearted wife. “I think it’s cheaper than the guy paying for therapy, and it will help him in the long run.”

“It still feels a bit evil,” she hedged.

“So does setting him up with some unsuspecting woman.”