Page 30 of Come Fly With Me

Harry: Any people?

Betty: Can I message Lake on there?

Harry (scratching head): I don’t think Lake’s on Twitter.

Betty: Then what’s the point in it?

Harry: You can meet new people. And you can talk about things you’re interested in.

Betty: Like what?

Harry (shrugs): I don’t know. Pies? World domination? Hairnets? Whatever you want.

Betty folds her arms over her tartan tent of a dress and leans back in her ratty old armchair in the corner of Lake’s security equipment store.

Harry: Okay, tell me what you’re interested in, and I’ll show you.

Betty: Stun guns. I need a new one.

Harry (shaking head): Right, well, see this wee box up here? You put in the thing you’re interested in and search for it, and it should come up. See? Stun guns.

Betty: How is this different from looking up stuff on the interweb?

Harry (deeply regretting his offer to teach Betty about social media): Twitter is more for talking to other people. See these messages about stun guns? They’re called tweets, and you can reply to any of them. Like starting a conversation. Or you can look up somebody you know and reply to their tweets. Or message them.

Betty: I don’t see the point in this. You’d have to care an awful lot about what strangers were thinking to want to read about it in their tweeps. And I don’t give a rat’s arse about anybody else’s opinions. Usually, they’re all crap anyway.

Harry (hands over the phone): Why don’t you just try it? Send a tweet and see if you get a response.

Betty: From who?

Harry: From anybody.

Betty: Like some stranger I don’t give a crap about?

Harry: Exactly like that. Just type a message and press Tweet.

Betty (grumbles to herself for a minute): Okay, here goes nothing.

Betty types:Hello? Is anybody there?

Harry: Don’t forget to press Tweet.

Betty (presses Tweet): Nothing’s happening. This is rubbish.

Harry: You need to give it a minute. Try adding a hashtag so people can find it.

Betty types:Hello? Is anybody there? Hashtag.

Harry: No. Don’t write the word hashtag. Use the symbol.

Betty: What symbol?

Harry (pointing at the screen): That one.

Betty: The noughts and crosses thing?

Harry (looking at the ceiling): Aye, that one. Put it in front of your name.