Page 41 of A Little Bit More

“I hope it means there’s a hospital nearby,” Mary wailed.

“The young couple were on their way to Bethlehem,” Lorraine said through the speakers. “To register to vote.”

David groaned.Vote?Listening to this was agony!

“The star was very bright,” Lorraine said, “and it helped them find their way in the dark.”

At the front of the church, a cardboard hut with the word ‘Hotel’ painted on it was dragged onto the stage, and a little girl appeared through the small door cut out of it.

“I am the innkeeper,” she told Mary and Joseph. “My hotel is fully booked. There are no free rooms. All the town is booked because of the voting. This is a very bad time of year to come to Bethlehem. You should have booked in advance.”

“There must be somewhere we can stay,” Joseph said. “My woman is about to pop.”

The innkeeper let out a heavy sigh. “I suppose you could stay in my barn.” She pointed to the pulpit, where bales of hay had been piled up. “It has hay, which will keep you warm, but I’m charging double because this is a sellers’ market. And you can’t annoy my animals.” At her words, several tiny kids dressed in random animal costumes popped out from behind the hay.

“Is that an elephant?” Mitch said, sounding strangled.

“This is totally unfair,” Joseph grumbled as he paid.

As Joseph helped a groaning Mary up the steps to the hay, another spotlight came on—this one pointed at the back of the church. It focused on a table, which had a chair on top of it, and on top of the chair, stood an angel.

“Oh, that isn’t safe,” Caroline said.

No kidding.

“Bark,” the angel shouted, making Josh almost choke to death. “I am a herald angel. I usually sing, but we didn’t have a piano player who could come to rehearsal, so I will speak and tell you that I have told three important kings that they need to come to visit the baby Jesus, who is not yet born, but we know his name because God already told it to his mother, and she told the rest of us, and she also told us that her baby is going to be king and save us all from the evil Herr-Herro-Herdod once it’s grown up and everything, not right now because he’s a baby, and babies can’t do anything except cry and sleep and poop their nappies.” The angel sucked in a deep breath. “I have told the kings to follow the message star.”

The doors at front of the church slammed open, and three kids dressed like sparkling Christmas decorations walked in.

“I have brought Frank’s stink scents,” one called as he held up his gift-wrapped present.

“I have brought a mirror,” the second one said. And sure enough, he held a mirror.

“And I have gold,” the third held up a basket full of what looked like gold foil-wrapped chocolate coins. “Because I’m the richest out of the three of us.”

They strode down the aisle, dodging the donkey who was still dancing to a tune only he could hear.

“I’m a generous king,” the one with the chocolate shouted as he reached into his basket, grabbed a handful of coins, and threw them into the pews.

And that’s when all hell broke loose—if you could say that in a church.

Kids lunged for the coins. Candles were thrust in the air to get them out of the way. Adults jumped to their feet. The sheep got scared and started to baa and stamp. A woman in the front row screeched, “Don’t eat that! That’s not chocolate, that’s sheep poo!”

All heads turned to where a mother was scooping up her toddler, who’d sneaked into the sheep pen for a snack.

“Save some of the chocolate for Jesus,” the star shouted. “And for me.”

“And Mary went into labor,” Lorraine said over the speaker, oblivious to the chaos happening in the church, because she was tucked away in the vestry.

Sure enough, wails of agony went up from the front of the church. More chocolate was thrown, and the shepherd leading the sheep let go of it to grab the coins. The sheep ran for his friends at the front of the church, knocking into the donkey. The donkey toppled into one of the rows. Candles went flying.

And the hay went up in flames.

“Fire!” shouted the star. “Fire!”

“Choccy!” shouted the toddler with his fist full of sheep poop.

People scrambled out of their pews and ran for the doors as David switched on his mic.

“Everybody, stay calm,” he ordered over the PA system.

“What’s happening?” Lorraine said over the same speakers.

The people Caroline had primed grabbed their fire extinguishers and pointed them at the fire, which was put out quickly, much to David’s relief. He watched the congregation stream out of the church. So much for his well-prepared sermon. He was about to follow everyone when the lights came back on, and a voice called out, “Somebody needs to get me down from here.”

As David looked up at the star, who was kicking his legs and swinging in the rafters, a heavy hand settled on his shoulder.

“Welcome to Invertary,” Josh McInnes said with a grin.