Page 32 of A Little Bit More

Betty Tries Twitter

A conversation between Betty McLeod (an old lady referred to as Satan and widely mistrusted—for good reason), and Harry Boyle (Invertary’s resident computer genius and naïve nice guy). They’re sitting in Betty’s home away from home -

Benson Security shop in Invertary.

This conversation takes place just before Caught.

Harry (pointing at the screen of the phone Betty just bought): This white bird on blue is for a site called Twitter. You can go on there and send short messages to people.

Betty (eyeing Twitter with suspicion): Which people?

Harry: Any people?

Betty: Can I message Lake on there?

Harry (scratching head): I don’t think Lake’s on Twitter.

Betty: Then what’s the point in it?

Harry: You can meet new people. And you can talk about things you’re interested in.

Betty: Like what?

Harry (shrugs): I don’t know. Pies? World domination? Hairnets? Whatever you want.

Betty folds her arms over her tartan tent of a dress and leans back in her ratty old armchair in the corner of Lake’s security equipment store.

Harry: Okay, tell me what you’re interested in, and I’ll show you.

Betty: Stun guns. I need a new one.

Harry (shaking head): Right, well, see this wee box up here? You put in the thing you’re interested in and search for it, and it should come up. See? Stun guns.

Betty: How is this different from looking up stuff on the interweb?

Harry (deeply regretting his offer to teach Betty about social media): Twitter is more for talking to other people. See these messages about stun guns? They’re called tweets, and you can reply to any of them. Like starting a conversation. Or you can look up somebody you know and reply to their tweets. Or message them.

Betty: I don’t see the point in this. You’d have to care an awful lot about what strangers were thinking to want to read about it in their tweeps. And I don’t give a rat’s arse about anybody else’s opinions. Usually, they’re all crap anyway.

Harry (hands over the phone): Why don’t you just try it? Send a tweet and see if you get a response.

Betty: From who?

Harry: From anybody.

Betty: Like some stranger I don’t give a crap about?

Harry: Exactly like that. Just type a message and press Tweet.

Betty (grumbles to herself for a minute): Okay, here goes nothing.

Betty types:Hello? Is anybody there?

Harry: Don’t forget to press Tweet.

Betty (presses Tweet): Nothing’s happening. This is rubbish.

Harry: You need to give it a minute. Try adding a hashtag so people can find it.