Page 60 of Keystrokes and Kittens

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve wondered. What that might look like. When you hug me? I really enjoy that. Leaning against you while we watch movies feels good. When you scratch my scalp, I love it. So I think…how hard could it be to lie in a bed with you? I mean with clothes and no expectations. Then I spiral downward thinking that I’d be leading you on and, without meaning to, promising something I can’t deliver.” I blinked.

“Now it’s my turn to say I’ve done research.”

I tilted my head.

“I’ve seen that asexuality is a spectrum. And that everyone is different. What is completely off-limits for one person might beokay for someone else. You’ve admitted you don’t have a lot of experience…”

“None.”

“None.” He offered a soft smile. “So it’s okay for you not to know what your limits are. What is not okay is for me to push them. If you want to try something, then just be honest. If we try it and it doesn’t work, then we move on. No recriminations. No disappointments. Consent is always top of mind for me. Always has been and always will be. That went for all my relationships.”

His words washed over me. A balm to my wounded soul. I’d spent a good portion of my life thinking something was wrong with me. Research allowed me to find other people like me. But I hadn’t done more than read their stories. I hadn’t reached out—hadn’t tried to connect with them. Maybe, in retrospect, that had been a mistake. I squinted. As if trying to bring things into focus.

“Sam?”

“I’m thinking.”

“Then take all the time you need.” He squeezed our hands.

Tibby placed her chin on my thigh.

I gave her a smile. “Hey, girl.”

She snuffed.

I laughed. Along with Soren. Then I turned my attention back to him. “An experiment?”

He sat up straighter. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay. Tonight. Your bed. With pajamas. Do you even own pajamas?”

He chuckled. “I do, in fact. I like to sleep with the air a little nippy, so I wear pajamas. Have the entire time you’ve been here. The last thing I wanted was for you to see me naked.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve seen naked men before, you know. I’m not a prude. Just—” Again with the lip biting.

“Just?” Again—nothing but compassion.

“Nothing.” I nodded my head. “Okay.” Then I managed a smile.

Soren leaned toward me.

I met him in the middle.

We kissed.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I guess we’ll see.

Chapter Sixteen

Soren

Two of my most vivid memories were of losing my virginity.

First to Isobel Clemens.

Then to Rajesh Sharma.