Page 27 of Keystrokes and Kittens

“Yeah. I just—” I sighed. “I’m not built like other guys.”

A silence ensued as I continued to coax the kitten into eating.

“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

“It is what it is.” I winced. “Right. Well…the guys I dated were nice enough—but really only interested in one thing.”

“Then you were dating the wrong guys.”

My gaze shot to his. “Says the guy who kissed me before we even went out on a first date.”

His eyes widened. “Well, shit.”

“I’m just saying—”

“Wow, did I ever misread that. I can say I’m sorry—which I damn well am—but just…wow.”

A sigh escaped my lips. “You weren’t wrong that I wanted it. That I gave consent. I was just so far out of my depth.” I smiled ruefully. “I’ve flirted with a few guys over the years. With Noah was about the most bold I’ve ever tried to be.”

“He has Christian.”

I shook my head. “He didn’t back then. The flirting was before they were together. I’d never try to steal a guy away from another guy. That’s all kinds of wrong.”

“Ah.”

“But—” I let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if Noah had actually agreed to, I don’t know, date me. Again—completely out of my depth. I just saw another gay Black man and…felt like I had to try. That it was the right thing to do.”

“Maybe that’s what knocked Christian out of his complacency. Although I have to say the double date between Christian, Noah, Dr. Malcolm, and myself was quite the, uh, adventure.”

My eyebrows shot up. “I want to hear all about that.”

He chuckled. “Sure. Another time. Because I think we need to hash out what’s going on between the two of us.”

Carlos appeared to be finished, so I rubbed him until he peed, then I tucked him back into the crate and closed the door. I grabbed the package of wet cloths we kept handy and we both wiped our hands then dumped them in the garbage can that had also been brought into the room. The less back-and-forth we had to do between here and the kitchen—the better.

For the umpteenth time, I sighed. “So, I’ve had a lot of time to think about Christmas.”

“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

I rubbed my face. “The thing is—” I closed my eyes for a long moment. When I finally opened them, I met a gaze filled with compassion. “Yeah. So I’d wondered about my sexuality. Not whether I’m gay or not. I am.” I had to get that out quickly. “But, you know…sex.”

Slowly, Soren nodded.

Again, I rubbed my face. As if I could somehow will this conversation to go faster. “I don’t…that is…”

He reached his hand over the crate.

I hesitated before putting my hand in his. The touch was both strange and comforting at the same time. “I’ve wondered if I’m asexual. Or maybe demisexual.”

He squeezed my hand. “Those are perfectly normal things to ask yourself. And I’m not going to question you about it. It’s up to you how much you do—or don’t—want to share.”

Another sigh. “I wanted to believe I was demi. That if I met the right person—and got to really know them—that I’d be interested in sex.”

“Okay. Again—perfectly reasonable.”

“Sure. But I don’t think I am. I mean, I flirted with Noah, and have since gotten to know him, but I don’t want to have sex with him.” I closed my eyes. “I’m attracted to you. The idea of, you know—”God, let me die now.

Again, he squeezed my hand. “I’ll be honest and say I find you attractive as well. I enjoyed our kiss. But I’d say we don’t know each other all that well. Although the past few days has changed that somewhat.”