Page 85 of Harnessed in Gold

I turn back to my laptop only to stare unseeing at the screen. Even if I were willing to ask Liv to join the search, there’s not enough time. It took me weeks to accept that faeries are real. It would probably take Liv months. And with Brier’s team so close, we only have days.

This time next week, I could be sitting here in this same chair, with nothing more to worry about than papers and exams, the weapon found and the fae gone.

Forever.

Because there’s no justifiable reason for them to break the laws of their realm to come back.

Tears suddenly flood my eyes, blurring the words on thescreen. I clamp my lips and tighten my hands into fists, but it’s no use. The sobs have been building in my throat since my zipper got stuck and reality came crashing down.

Leo will be gone.

I close my computer and hurry to the bathroom where I hide in a stall and cry noiselessly, sniffling into a wad of toilet paper. I take a deep breath, shudder, and breathe some more. I have to get myself under control, quickly, or Liv will come looking for me.

It’s okay,I tell myself.It’s for the best.I could’ve had a relationship with Leo Hawthorn, history major from Philly, but not with Leo the Hawthorn, faerie from Nàdar. What sort of future would we have?You’re a human, Betts, and I don’t know what that means for us.

There’s no way to make this work. I just have to accept it.

Steeling myself, I emerge from the stall and splash some cold water on my swollen eyes. Fortunately, when I return to our room, Liv is busy shooting messages on her phone.

Ten minutes later, as I’m struggling to get into the right headspace to finish readingLe Morte D’Arthur, she turns to me, fingers poised over her phone. “Okay, how about pizza tomorrow night with Mia and Jenna? You know, for our girls’ night?”

Shit, I forgot. “Umm—” So many reasons to say no, and no way to explain them.

“It’ll be fun.” She waves away my hesitation. “And I promise it’ll be just us girls. In fact, I told them if the guys show up, I’m leaving.”

“Yeah? How come?”

“Because last weekend, Braden hardly said two words to me. And now all the sudden he’s all over me? I mean, come on, I know it’s only because he heard about Liam. Whenever there’s another guy around, he turns into a pathetic caveman.”

“Yeah, he was pretty handsy yesterday.” I grin, eager for a little levity. “He looked like he wanted to suplex Rime.”

“Puh-lease.” Liv laughs. “I mean, I don’t know the guy, but Rime looks like he could take down three dudes with one swing.”

Indeed. I just hope I never have to see it.

“So, anyway, you’re coming, right?”

“Um, yeah, probably,” I say noncommittally. “If I can get all my work done, I’d like to.” You know, if I can find the tracery window that leads to a forge that leads to a faerie weapon—without anyone getting hurt—then pizza would be great.

This morning, as I run out the door, I hastily stuff six crystals in my bra, all in the left cup. Not my smartest idea. After my first class, I have to rush to the nearest restroom and transfer half the stones to the right cup. It’s still uncomfortable, but it’s a little more balanced, and better than sitting through three packed classes without some sort of energetic protection.

Yesterday left me feeling more raw and vulnerable than ever. A victim of a power that knows no bounds. When Leo and I were working with the snowdrops, was I “part of the circuit,” like he said? I felt the energy connecting him and the flowers like it was going through me, too, but I couldn’t talk to the plants like he could. I was a cord or a battery, not a speaker. So what does that mean? And why was he so shocked? He was trying to hide his concern, but for god’s sake, I’m clairsentient. I couldfeelit.

Between classes, I distract myself by scanning every building I pass for Avery’s window. I’m not surprised I don’t find it. My Wednesdays are spent on the east end of campus, the part built in the late twentieth century. Ornate wrought-iron windows don’t go with the utilitarian architecture.

Late in the afternoon, I stumble back to my room like a soldier returning from battle. I’m wiped out from bracing myself against my classmates’ emotions and running away from my own, from searching high and low for creepy windows and from playing Jean’s words over and over again in my head.

She doesn’t know half of what she can do.

Apparently, neither does Leo.

I drop my backpack on the floor by my desk and sink onto my bed, head pounding. Like I did as a child, I rub my eyes so hard and long I see stars. I can’t survive another second in this state of not knowing.

Someone please tell me what’s happening to me.

The temptation to call Leo is overwhelming, but I shove the heels of my hands into my eye sockets again and resist. He’s here on borrowed time, and once he’s gone, he won’t be back. I need new mentors. Ones who will still be here on the other side of this mission.

I text Avery even though I know she’s in class:I have more questions if you don’t mind. Call me when you have a few minutes to talk.Then I toss aside my phone and pace the floor.