Page 51 of Harnessed in Gold

Oh god. My stupid mind takes me right back to his bed. I’m underneath him, lost in his eyes.

Betts, look at me.

Betts, please.

And then his sighed words when I complied,a chuisle mo chroí.

There was anguish in his voice then, almost as much as there is now.

“I was stupid and impulsive and reckless,” he admits. “I took what I wanted, and I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t hurting you. I’m sorry.” He buries claw-like fingers in hishair. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. You’re ahuman, Betts, and I don’t know what that means for us. This is uncharted territory.”

I watch him, barely seeing, as mortification scalds my cheeks.

How had this not occurred to me?

Leo’s not some all-American college boy with bad manners. He isn’t Zander or Braden. And the looming crisis isn’t who’s going to be O-Chi Sweetheart, it’s whether an entire realm can be saved. Anotherrealm.

I’m human and Leo is fae.

In this light, everything makes so much more sense. What I assumed was carelessness or manipulation was a man groping in the dark. The way he tested and challenged my belief in the supernatural. The way he wrestled with himself every time we got too close. I thought it was because I had a boyfriend, but it was something so much bigger.

I think back to our night together, after he healed the marks Zander left on my arm.Whatever happens with us, promise me you won’t go back to him.Leo wasn’t being a toxic, competitive male, he was anticipating an uncertain future. He knew this thing between us could blow up in our faces, and he wanted to know I’d be safe.

“Leo—” Lord knows why I open my mouth; I don’t know what to say. Nor do I know why my hand is halfway to his knee. I draw it back, but he snatches it and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“You can think what you want about me. You can be angry forever—I know I deserve it. But don’t, for one minute, think I don’t care about you.” He kisses the backs of my fingers before he lets my hand go. “Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it. If you want space, I’ll keep giving it to you.”

Space. Is that what he’s been doing? Giving me space? Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing, too. Trying to keep at least five feet of air between us, a no-man’s-land neither of us should cross. Because I know if I go out there, my heart’s going to get blasted to hell.

I turn away and, with a shaky hand, wipe the sweat from myhairline. He’s close, suddenly, close enough I can feel his warmth. And his desperation.

“Is that what you want?” he asks. “Do you want me to stay away?”

When I turn to face him, his eyes are no more than a foot from mine. And they’re so beautiful.

With a gentle thumb, he wipes the tears from my cheeks. “Tell me, Betts. Whatever you want, I’ll give you.”

Him. I want him. So badly my heart is pounding in my throat. But I’m drowning in an ocean of fear. Both his and mine. Waves of it ricochet from one corner of the car to the other.

“I want to be able to trust you,” I say. “Don’t keep me in the dark anymore. And no more lies.”

“No more,” he whispers back.

He comes in closer, like he’s going to kiss me, and my nervous system goes haywire. Yes! No, don’t! Please kiss me. No, please stay away. Instead, his forehead meets mine, his hair tickling my skin and his breath warm on my cheeks. “No more. I promise.”

He pulls away, leaving me confused and aching, and starts the car. For a moment, I forget where I am and what happened this morning.

Church and donuts and Jean seeing straight through Leo’s glamour.

We’re silent as we leave Redemption Baptist Church and make our way back to town. The emotions swarming around me are so potent, I want to roll down the window and shoo them out of the car.

At the intersection of South and Main, we roll to a stop as two elderly women cross the street to the drugstore.

Leo asks me, “Do you have anywhere you need to be this afternoon?”

“I just have some homework to do.”

I watch the smaller of the women, the one with the lopsided gait,grab her friend’s arm to steady herself as she steps up onto the sidewalk.