Page 138 of The Wrong Brother
The answer is simple: “Because she loved you.” I pause, choosing my words carefully. “She made mistakes. So did I. So does everyone.”
I think of my mother.
Of grief.
Of impossible decisions.
“But abandoning you wasn’t one of hers. If she could’ve kept you, Kate, she would have. I want you to know that.”
Kate nods slowly, letting the information settle. She gets up, scrapes the rest of the pancakes into the trash, and puts her dishes in the sink. For a few minutes there’s normalcy again. I can almost pretend this is any other weekend morning.
Then she asks the question I’ve dreaded even more.
“My dad, though. You know him?”
I close my eyes briefly. This is the part that changes everything.
“He...”
The word catches. I have spent years hating this man. Years imagining what I would say if Kate ever asked. I never thought I’d be the one initiating this conversation.
“He’s successful.”
She waits. She’sgoodat waiting me out, I think humorously, her silence prompting me to continue.
“He lives in Colorado. He’s a politician.”
Kate’s eyebrows lift.
“A politician?”
“Yes.”
“Like... on TV?”
“Sometimes.”
Her expression shifts from curiosity to confusion. “So...” She studies my face. “Why didn’thewant me?”
Blyat’.I don’t want to be explaining this to a child, even if she is almost a teenager.
“I don’t know. Not really.” It’s dodging the truth, but not entirely a lie. “I know what he did, but I don’t know why.”
“Is he in Colorado?” Kate asks quietly.
I nod, words sticking in my throat for the moment.
“You went there for a wedding.”
Another nod. I see it click in her head, see her put the pieces together.
“So maybe now he wants a baby. If he’s starting a family.”
The statement is so logical, so simple, and devoid of anger or blame, that it almost takes me out.
Kate stares thoughtfully at the tabletop. Finally, she asks, “Does his wife know? About me?”
“I’m not sure, Kate. I only got to meet her briefly. I think she thought he was a good person. I’m not sure if he’ll tell her the truth.”
