Page 41 of Untamed Heart

It was a tone that said, “I’m the parent, you’re the kid, and you’re going to do what I say.”

As much as it chafed that he thought he still had the right to use that tone on me, I switched directions and moved to take a seat on the couch against the opposite arm.

“We need to talk, honey.”

“I know,” I said on an exhale. “But you really should eat. It’s important.”

“I will, baby girl.” He reached for my hand only to stop when he caught my slight flinch. His eyes filled with devastation, and while I wasn’t happy being the one to cause that look, I also didn’t fault myself for my reaction. “But this is more important.”

“It isn’t?—”

“It is,” he said sharply, giving me a jolt. He closed his eyes and pulled in a breath as though he was trying to calm himself.“I’m sorry, but it is. Because it’s you, honey. And you willalwaysbe more important.”

That both healed parts of my heart that had been broken and hurt them at the same time. Because I’d wanted so long for that statement to be true. But actions were so much more important than words. I needed to see it before I could believe him.

“I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you one damn bit. I also know I’ll have to prove myself, but I want you to know, baby girl, you and your sister are the most important people in my life. You always have been, and you will be until the day I leave this earth. I’ve loved you since the moment you came squalling into this world, and that’s something that will never, ever change.”

Anger and sadness mixed, making my chin tremble as I blinked rapidly against the wetness building in my eyes. “Then why?” I asked on a croak, unable to keep the pain out of my voice. “Why, if you loved us so much, did you abandon us? You might have still lived in that house, but you were never there.” I was too overcome to worry about the fact that I was crying over this man again for what felt like the millionth time in my life. My voice kept rising as I continued. “You weren’t there! You didn’t stop her when she hurt us. Over and over again. You knew. You saw the bruises, saw the pain we suffered, and you didn’t do anything to stop it! So why?”

I was full on sobbing by the end, and to my shock, my father’s eyes were glassy with a level of emotion I’d never witnessed in him before.

“Oh, baby girl.” He sounded as shattered as he looked. “I’m so sorry. I failed you so badly. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed that I haven’t hated myself for letting you girls down.” A single tear broke free and tracked down his cheek.

“Then why,” I repeated on a tremulous whisper. “Please, Dad, I need to know. Make it make sense for me so I canfinallystop hurting.”

A sob tore from Ezra’s throat as he reached out again, this time clasping my hand in a tight grip that he poured all his emotions into.

“There is never a good reason for a parent to abandon their child. I’m not going to make excuses, because there aren’t any. I kept the truth from you girls for so long because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it would spare you the pain. But I see now I was so fucking wrong.”

He closed his eyes again and inhaled a steady breath before he finally gave me what I’d been needing for most of my life.

Answers.

“Your mother and I were never a love match. Though I’m pretty sure that was obvious.”

I let out a derisive harrumph and rolled my eyes dramatically as I batted at the tears staining my cheeks. “Believe me, that wasn’t lost on anyone.”

“Well, what you might not know is the disconnect was on my end. I never felt for her the way she felt for me. Truth was, I never even planned on goin’ there with her. Then she showed up at the clubhouse one night while we were havin’ a party. I was young, single, careless, and three sheets to the wind. To this day I still don’t know what happened that night, but I woke up the next morning, and there was your mom, in bed with me. I figured it was only a one-time thing. We hooked up, it was done, and we’d both move on. But your mother showed up at the clubhouse a few months later to tell me she was pregnant with you.”

The similarities between his story and Roe’s were impossible to miss.

“I didn’t want to marry her, but I wanted you. If there’s one thing you take from this, please let it be that. I wanted you more than I wanted my next breath. The moment I found out I was gonna be a dad was the best moment in my life. Times two.”

“So what happened? I mean, you obviously married her, what I don’t understand is why.”

“Because she threatened to take you from me,” he said in a choked voice. “Said she’d get an abortion if I didn’t step up and do the right thing. Even though I made it clear I had no feelings for her whatsoever, she got it in her head that she could change my mind if I only gave her a chance. So she used you against me.” He shook his head sadly. “And that was only the beginning.”

A fresh wave of tears spilled over my lashes and onto my cheeks. I’d cried more the past few weeks than I had in the last few years combined. “Daddy,” I whispered brokenly as I turned my hands over so I could wrap my fingers with his, which only made his hold that much tighter. It felt like he’d been waiting for this moment for years. Decades. And now that it was here, he wasn’t letting go.

“I had a criminal record, baby girl. She knew that going in, and she used it against me. Any time I brought up bein’ unhappy or mentioned the word divorce, she threw that in my face. I was a convicted criminal. If I left her, she’d file for sole custody and win. Because what judge in their right mind would give two innocent little girls to a man with a record and an affiliation with a club that was suspected to be into some illegal shit?”

I pulled one hand free to slap it over my mouth in shock. “Oh my god.”

“I knew she was right. I also knew that the more I fought her on it, the worse she would make it for you girls, so I just... stopped. I stopped fighting all together. The only time I was happy was when I was with you girls or my club, but as timepassed and I didn’t change my tune, your mom worked harder to take that time with you from me until I eventually stopped trying.”

He shifted on the sofa, turning to face me more fully. “I need you to hear this, baby girl. The loss of my relationship with you and Remy isn’t her fault, it’s mine. I should have fought harder, done more to protect you girls. But I let her win. I let her beat me down until the only thing I had to give me the smallest bit of joy was the club. I should have been stronger. At first I stayed away because I thought if I wasn’t around to make her mad, she wouldn’t take it out on you or your sister. I didn’t realize until it was too late how wrong I was.”

It was so much information. Too much. I struggled to process all these new truths I never knew anything about and how they turned everything I’d believed for so long upside down. Everything I’d believed most of my life, that Ezra simply didn’t care enough, was all wrong, and trying to reconcile that with what I thought was the truth made me feel like I was coming out of my skin.