Page 22 of Untamed Heart

Self-hatred surged through me, heating my insides like a match being held to a flame. Tossing the hand mirror back into my open toiletry bag, I stomped back into the room and started jerked drawers open, angrily yanking on a pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt. Then I went about stripping the sheets off the bed like the Egyptian cotton had personally offended me.

With a grunt, I bundled up all the linens and slid my feet into the flipflops beside the door before storming off toward the laundry room. I was determined to wipe every single trace of Roe from my room at the Inn, and that required fresh sheets. After stuffing everything into one of the washing machines, I added soap, hit the correct buttons, and slammed the lid closed with finality.

Please let that work. I sent my plea out into the universe as I stepped back out into the fresh air and sucked in a much-needed breath. For the first time since Roe showed up at my door, I realized the sun had fully set at some point, and a wave of calm washed over me as I dropped my head back to take in the sky full of stars. Each one like a paint speck on a midnight canvass.

How long had it been since I lost myself looking up at the stars?

That was another thing that Adam had taken from me, calling my love of stargazing childish. He didn’t understand howI could find enjoyment in laying outside and staring up at the dark sky for hours. Then again, Adam had never been able to be still for very long, always anxious or agitated about something, his mind constantly spinning so fast that silence and stillness made his skin crawl.

He hid it all behind the guise of “looking out for me” claiming that it wasn’t safe for me to spend hours on end out in the dark. And just like everything else good in my life I managed to find for myself after leaving Ashland, I let him take it away.

Truth was, I made the mistake once of mentioning that Roe used to lay at my side and stargaze with me until the sun finally started to rise and made the blinking white specks impossible to see.

That was why he didn’t like it and why he was so determined to take it away from me. Anything and everything that had to do with Roe was a sensitive subject for Adam. He couldn’t stand that I’d been in love before meeting him. One night, after yet another fight about my past relationships, I finally had enough and snapped back that we’d both had lives before each other and that he wasn’t being fair trying to get me to erase every trace of my past. That was the first time he hit me, and sadly, it was far from the last.

But I was done letting that bastard control my life, and I was taking back something that had once brought me joy.

Instead of heading back to my room, I veered off to the open field behind the inn. It was more like a meadow, filled with pops of wildflowers in all colors that bloomed beautifully during the daytime. The blades of grass tickled the sides of my feet not protected by my flipflops as I moved a few yards further from the inn’s blacktop parking lot, and lay down in the middle of the meadow. Redbud Inn was on the outskirts of Redemption, just far enough from the town lights that the stars were easy to see.

I felt my breath leave me on a relieved whoosh as I rested back in the thick green grass. Lifting my hand and closing one eye, I did what I used to do as a kid and traced the different constellations I could see with the naked eye. I’d always wanted a telescope so I could explore further than the eye could see, but by the time I’d saved enough for a good one, I’d started dating Adam, and he convinced me it was a useless expense.

I traced Ursa Major and Minor, then Draco before moving on to my favorite, Cassiopia who hovered opposite the Big Dipper. Something about the Greek myth of Cassiopia and her daughter Andromeda had always tugged at me. The story went that, Cassiopea, the vain queen of Aethiopia, bragged that she and her daughter were more beautiful than the sea nymphs who served Poseidon. As punishment for her boastfulness, Poseidon sent a sea flood, along with a monster named Cetus to destroy Aethiopia. According to the oracle the king and queen consulted, the only wat to save their kingdom was to sacrifice Andromeda to Cetus. In the end, Perseus swooped in and saved Andromeda, but Poseidon never got over Cassiopeia’s slight.

Something about the so called lesson of that fable never sat right with me, and as I got older I studied up more on the old myths. I discovered that Greek mythology loved to make the females into the villains, and made the men into the big, strong heroes that saved the poor ladyfolk from their own self-destruction.

I called bullshit, personally, and it only made me love Cassiopea that much more, because there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with a woman knowing her worth and raising her daughter to do the same. Though history was filled to the brim with cautionary tales just like that that. I was convinced were created with no other purpose than to keep women down. I chose to think of Cassiopea and Andromeda as confident, strong,self-assured women who were sick of taking shit from men. I could relate.

The crunch of footsteps on the grass and leaves pulled me back into the present just as a shadowed figure leaned over me, blotting out the stars in the shape of a person’s silhouette.

“You aren’t out here having a stroke, are you?”

Recognizing the voice I smiled, letting out a little giggle as I lowered my arm back down to my side. “No stroke. I’m just tracing constellations.”

“Oh, that sounds fun. I’ve never done that before,” Poppy Hyland, the owner of the inn, stated as she moved to my side. “Mind if I join you? Maybe you can point them out to me. I’ve never been able to spot them on my own. Then again, I’ve never been sure what I was looking for.”

I gave a little scootch, making room for the stunning redhead to plop down beside me. I’d gotten to know the sweet, personably innkeeper over the past several days, even taking some time one evening to join her for tea on the back porch of her large yet charming home. It was hard to put a finger on her exact age, because whatever skincare regimen she used was fantastic, but I put her somewhere near my age, maybe a couple years younger. She’d been so easy to talk to that I found myself opening up and telling her some about my past and what had brought me back.

She was so gorgeous you might have expected her to be conceited or vain, when truthfully, she was anything but. I enjoyed time in her company, and, dare I say, she was starting to feel like a friend.

Silence enveloped us for a few peaceful minutes before she finally broke it. “Saw you stomping out to the laundry room earlier like you were pissed at the world. If I didn’t mention it already, that’s a complimentary service we offer. Unless you’re unsatisfied with our sheet-washing skills.”

I let out a snort and gave my head a playful shake at the mischievous smile she was wearing. “Your sheet-washing skills are up to the task, I promise. These were just…extenuating circumstances.”

A beat passed, then another before Poppy let out a knowing hum. “Those extenuating circumstances have anything to do with a particular biker that I’ve seen cruising around my inn the past few days?”

My head whipped around to face her, my eyes widening so much it was a wonder they didn’t pop right out of my skull. “What?”

“Roe,” she answered my squeaked question, clearly already familiar with the man. “Saw him leaving here a little while ago, and I’ve seen him on that bike of his, riding past the inn at a crawl like he’s desperately looking for something.” The humor melted from her features, leaving something more serious in its place. “Or someone.”

I pushed the fact that Roe had been spying on me to the back of my mind, determined to forget all about the flash of heat that knowledge created low in my belly. Nope. Nu-uh. I didnotcare that he’d been around. I really didn’t.

Instead, I focused all my energy on something else. I had to admit I found it a little surprising that a woman like Poppy would know a guy like Roe. They were from two totally different worlds. And from how she spoke about him, I got the impression it was more than just in passing. It was funny, because I’d met Poppy’s husband, Jase, and he was the very definition of buttoned-up and moneyed. I wasn’t sure I’d seen the man in anything but a suit in passing, his hair always in perfect place. “You know Roe?”

She nodded, expression innocent like it was nothing. “We’re friendly. I know a good few of those guys, actually. They’ve helped a few of my friends out when they got into a bind a fewyears back. Can’t say we’re besties or anything like that, but what I know of them I like. Same with my other friends.”

I turned back to the sky, letting out a groan as I scrubbed my hands over my face. Of course the new friendship I felt budding would somehow be tied to my past, because I’d obviously done something epically stupid in a past like that set karma out to get me.

“It’s complicated,” I said, heaving out a sigh as an invisible weight pressed down on my chest.