Page 120 of Lyric Squared

“Holding me accountable,” he admitted, making the necessary turns to get to my home and further from his.

“So, please don’t put the blame on me. You did this, Keanu, not me.”

“I know. I know. I know,” he repeated, shaking his head. “I’ve been kicking my own ass ever since.”

“Please, just take me home.”

“Come over for dinner, tonight,” he told me.

“I’ll try.”

“I don’t need you to try, Lyric. I need you to get here. I’m not asking you to stay the night, but come at eight. I can’t go too many more nights without you in my bed where you belong. I’m ready and I’m willing to work night and day to fix what I’ve broken, but I need your cooperation.”

“I’m not trying to be difficult, malicious, or a bad sport. But I can’t just overlook the things that were said to me or the way you treated me. It just makes me wonder if this is what I want to sign up for. My father has always told me that the way a man treats you when he’s upset or doesn’t feel like he needs you tells you everything you need to know about the true nature of your relationship with him. What I saw and what you made me feel… it just makes me wonder if I really want to be here.”

“I’m not perfect, Lyric. But, I’m sorry. I was wrong. I flipped the fuck out, and I’ve hated myself for it since it happened. I’ve wanted to apologize a million times but shit… too fuckingashamed of my actions and my words. The other night at Luca’s, I didn’t even know where to start.”

“Start here. Any step in the right direction is better than none at all. I’ll never burden you with the idea of perfection because I know that I am far from it. All I’m asking for and have been asking for is a little grace.”

“I need that, too, Lyric.”

“Which is why I called you. Not only did I not want to do this alone, but I knew you deserved that moment in the bathroom with tests lined on the counter as much as I did. At the end of the day, Keanu, I love you to the point of pain. I didn’t realize it ran that deep until every word you spat at me cut me like a knife. And it wasn’t the reason you were saying them or what you were saying exactly that broke my heart.”

“It was disappointing you… knowing that I’d played a part in turning you into the intolerable man that you transformed into that day. For me, that’s such a red flag on my part. Because why did my love for you override all the unsatisfaction of your actions and focus solely on the fact that I’d been a disappointment for you? For the last four weeks, I’ve been working on me… working on that. It simply goes back to my need to be validated from the ones I love most. I have to fix that… fix me.”

“How can I help?”

“Patience. I’ve been asking for it, and I’ll continue. I’m a work in progress.”

“So am I.”

“Then, let’s progress together and remember that – even when we’re frustrated.”

“I can do that.”

“I know you can. So can I.”

“Dinner at eight?” he asked as he pulled into my driveway.

I’d opened the gate as we pulled onto my street.

“Dinner at eight. As long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

When Keanu silenced the engine and stepped out, I wanted to protest his decision to park in plain sight instead of in the garage, but I refrained. If one of my brothers happened to stop by while he was over, it would save me the stress of having to tell them about us. They’d see it for themselves.

“You staying?”

“I need to catch a few Zs before I go kick these niggas asses on the court. I need to walk away with half of both of their portions of the pot. I got diapers and shit to buy, now.” He chuckled, causing me to do the same.

“Besides, I know that’s all you’re about to do.”

“True. True,” I admitted.

I couldn’t wait to get to my bed and hug my pillows. I’d be sleep in a few minutes. That was a fact. I could hardly keep my eyes open for more than a few hours before needing to recharge.

We stepped into my home, greeted by the smell of the tropics. The plug-ins that I’d purchased the day prior were the only ones that didn’t cause gagging. It was a scent that I wasn’t accustomed to but knew that I’d easily adapt.

Keanu followed me up the stairs after locking the door behind us. I stripped down to my underwear before pulling the covers and sliding into bed. In only briefs, he slid in right after me. Once I was comfortable, pillows stuffed under my head and one between my legs, I felt Keanu lower himself until his head aligned with my stomach.