Page 47 of The Gold Rush Bride

Tears prickled in her eyes. “You should be happy about the baby, and it kills me you’re not. This child is a part of us and we both should love it.”

“Things can always change. I might feel differently when the baby is here, I don’t know. I’ll tell you I’m scared, Sadie. I don’t want to go through the pain of losing another child.”

For such a big, scary man to admit such a thing, touched her in a way he never had before. She rotated to face him, although the darkness prevented them from seeing each other. “I’m scared, too. I’ve never had a child to love. Someone who will depend totally on me for his life, now and after he’s born. It’s scary. What if I do something wrong?” She reached up and found his face, cupped his jaw and lifted herself to kiss him. First, she kissed his chin, but she eventually found his lips. “Light the lantern. I want to see you. I want to show you and have you feel me.”

He turned away, found the matches, and lit the lantern. He kept the flame low, so it cast the tent with pale light and shadows.

Sadie lay on her back. She took his hand and placed it over her belly. “This is us. Our child, who we made together. This is a miracle. We created life. Someone who is the best of both of us, who we can teach to be better than we are.”

Barnaby closed his eyes. “What if he dies? What if he never gets the chance to—”

She placed two fingers against his lips. “Shh. I’m not your first wife. I’m not sick. I’m healthy as a horse. Our child will be healthy and strong, just as you are and I am. And, by the time this little one is born, we’ll be rich and can take care of him, regardless of what happens. I believe that. I have to believe that.”

“You make me want to believe.”

“Then do. Try to picture us together, growing old and watching our children grow and marry and give us grandchildren. That’s the way it will be. Trust me...trust us. We might not love each other, but we can love this child we created.”How can I tell him I love him without scaring him away? Better to let him think we don’t love each other. I don’t want him to say the words if he doesn’t mean them, or because he thinks that is what I want to hear, even though it is.

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise something that I’m not sure will happen.”

“All I ask is that you try.”

He turned, aligned his body with hers, and when his lips were a whisper away from hers, he stopped. “I’ll do my best.” Then he kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and let the love she had for him go. Let it surround them. She had enough for both of them...for now. His kiss deepened, and she felt like lightning was shooting through her to her core. She pulled back, but kept her arms around his neck. “Make love to me, Barnaby. Now. Make love to me now.”

“With pleasure,mo grah. With pleasure.”

He passionately kissed her again, and then he made love to her. She savored every moment as though they had all the time in the world. The time and place faded, leaving only the two of them together. His movements were not frenzied. He adored her entire body tenderly and then he covered her, leaving her content, fulfilled, and hopeful. Surely he had to love her. He couldn’t make love to her like he did without loving her...could he?

The next day after breakfast, Barnaby headed to Dawson City and Sadie went back to the strike and dug and dug. The vein was going deeper and Barnaby would have to do the digging, but she hoped that wasn’t the end. She only thought of it after he left, but she hoped he came back telling her he’d opened a bank account and deposited the money. He would be in great danger of being bushwhacked if he carried all the money back with him. Many desperate men had turned to crime when their claims turned out to be devoid of gold.

Barnaby and her father were lucky to have gotten one that was paying out.

She stood, placed her hands on her hips, and then stretched her back.

Her back had been paining her more than usual, and she couldn’t determine if the pregnancy caused it. She was only about five months pregnant, and if her body was this sore now, what would it be like when she was nine months along?

Sadie looked over toward Seth’s claim.

He was working the river but saw her and waved.

She waved back. He was a good man, and she hoped that someday soon he would have a wife who was worthy of him.

Shading her eyes, she looked up at the sun. Barnaby had been gone for hours and should already be on his way back. Her stomach rumbled, and she realized she’d skipped eating lunch. It was time for a break and she needed to eat and she was definitely hungry now.

Picking up the shovel, she headed back to the tent. She had the rest of the morning’s loaf of bread and the last of the huckleberry jam from their previous trip to town. She hoped Barnaby would bring more home with him. She hadn’t asked, and it was probably out of stock, but maybe she’d get lucky.

She realized she was too tired to go digging right after eating, so she lay down for a quick nap.

Sadie awoke to Barnaby shaking her shoulder.

“Sadie. Sadie. Wake up.”

“Barnaby? What are you doing back so fast?”

“Sweetheart, it’s after five in the evening. I’m actually back later than anticipated. How long have you been sleeping?”

She sat up, yawned and scratched her head. “I laid down after lunch. I thought I’d only take a quick nap. Apparently, my body said otherwise.”