Page 22 of The Gold Rush Bride

She clasped her hands and circled her thumbs around each other before looking up. “I want us to stay overnight.” She lifted a hand. “Wait until you hear me out. You’re my husband, for better or for worse, until one of us departs this earth. I want to have children someday, and...and...oh, dang it, this is harder than I thought.”

“Just say it, Sadie. I don’t want to misunderstand you, and I need to hear you say what you want.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. Then she took another. “Oh, all right. I don’t want to lose my virginity on a mattress in a tent. I want a proper bed when we consummate this marriage. There, I said it.” She dropped her gaze to her hands again.

Barnaby was silent.

The next thing she knew, he was beside her with a knuckle on her chin, turning it toward him.

“Look at me, Sadie.”

She slowly lifted her lids and gazed into his dark, smoldering blue eyes.

“I don’t want to misunderstand. You are a virgin?”

She nodded. Her stomach still roiled, and her hands shook.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” His voice was quiet, gentle.

She nodded again. “I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I want to have children and we must be husband and wife in deed, as well as in name, for that to happen.”

He smiled and his eyes twinkled. “Yes, we do. But you want to wait until we go to town, right?”

She straightened, determined not to make love here. “I do. I want to be in a bed, a proper bed, for my first time. Is that wrong? To want to be comfortable?”

He ran a finger down her cheek. “There is nothing wrong with thatmo ghra. Not a thing. And I believe you’re right, you deserve it. We’ll head to town tomorrow.”

Suddenly, her stomach turned over and over so much she thought she would lose her supper. “There’s no hurry. I just wanted to let you know my plans.”

“Mo ghra, I’ve been waiting for you to decide you wanted an actual marriage. What we have on paper was necessary to get you here, but I don’t believe in divorce, and I would guess you don’t either. Though the thought of children puts me off, but we’ll figure it out if it happens.”

She looked at him askance. “Don’t you want children?”

A shadow fell over his face. “Children have no place in the life we lead. It’s too dangerous and there’s too much sickness. They could die.”

“It’s possible, I suppose, but you and I could die, too. Look at my father. Buried in an avalanche that turned into his grave. You don’t even know where in that mountain of snow he is, do you? You only have to know his circumstances to know he died too young.”

Sadness stirred behind his eyes, and he gazed at the floor. “I don’t, only saw him go down. He was a grown man. He had choices. My son never had a choice or a chance.”

Sadie saw how unhappy Barnaby was and wasn’t sure she could have a child with him. But he was her husband. Could she resign herself to never having children?

CHAPTER6

Sadie was lost in thought the entire trip to Dawson City. Barnaby seemed as well since the entire trip was quiet, with only the sounds of birds chirping or taking flight and the clomp of the horse’s hooves breaking the silence.

They both rode Lucky with Sadie sitting mostly on Barnaby’s lap the entire way. Riding Lucky cut the time to town in half. When they arrived, it was lunchtime. They walked into the hotel.

Kitty stood behind the desk.

Barnaby took off his hat. “Hi, Kitty.”

“Hello, Kitty,” said Sadie.

She looked up from her paperwork. “Well, if it isn’t the Drakes as I live and breathe. I haven’t seen you two for a couple of months. How is married life treating you?”

“We’re fine. We’re about to go next door and get a bite to eat. We’d like to have baths when we get back, and can you keep this until we finish eating?” He set a carpetbag on the desk.

She smiled. “Sure, and I’ll start the water heating now.”