Page 94 of Shattered Oaths

But then I put myself in my own shoes and think back to that morning and I wonder why I never mentioned it either.

Why did I let him act as though it didn’t happen when I knew it had?

When I believed he didn’t remember, why didn’t I tell him?

And why haveIcontinued to uphold his version of the truth for the past eight years?

Jesus Christ.I’m just as guilty as he is.

It’s with that thought that I toss the blanket off me and get out of bed, stuffing my feet into a pair of flip-flops before going down the stairs and out the front door as quietly as possible.

Noah doesn’t see me coming. His head is hanging low, his eyes fixed on the screen of his phone, just like I knew it would be, as I open the passenger side door and climb into his truck. The familiar scent of his aftershave engulfs mysenses the moment the door closes behind me and for half a second, I regret my decision of climbing in here.

“What the…” his words cut off when his wide hazel eyes land on me and a rush of breath escapes him. “Bells-”

I hold up a hand. “Don’t talk. Just listen.”

I stare at him, ignoring the thumping of my own heartbeat in my ears as I wait for him to agree.

With a dip of his head, he snaps his mouth shut. “I don’t forgive you.” I start. “I’m not sure I ever will. But I have realised something.”

I pause, waiting for him to say something, but then I remember I told him not to talk and by the way his lips are clenched together tightly, he’s taking my words very seriously.

“I’m not completely innocent in this. It’s selfish of me to act like the victim here when I’m just as guilty as you are. For lying to my brother, but most of all to you. Even when I thought you didn’t remember,Idid.I remember everything about that night and I never said anything. When you looked at me the next morning like nothing had happened, I felt dirty. I felt like…” I trail off with a heavy breath, trying to find the right words.

Noah remains completely silent beside me, letting me take my time and I drag my eyes away from his penetrating gaze to stare out the window.

“I felt like I had… taken advantage of you while you were under the influence. I’ve replayed that night a thousand times in my head, trying to find clues or any signs I might have missed that you were more drunk than you let on. But every single time, I found none.”

“I wasn’t drunk.” His voice, so deep and rough, slices through the silence of the truck. “I had been drinking, yes.But I wasn’t drunk. And you didn’t take advantage of me. I knew exactly what I was doing.”

His admission is like a knife straight to my heart. All this time, all those feelings, it all could have been avoided if just one of us had been honest.

“And you did try to tell me.”

My eyes snap to his. “What?” I frown, my hands shaking in my lap as I watch him.

“The next morning. You tried to talk about it, but I stopped you.”

That makes me collapse back against the seat, my mind running back to the morning after.

“Do you realise what we’ve done?”

“We slept.”

“Do you seriously not remember?”

“Remember what?”

He’s not wrong.

I had tried to bring it up and he dismissed me.

But I could have tried harder. I could have pushed. But instead, I brushed it off and let it go.

“Don’t do that,” Noah says, pulling me back to the present.

“Do what?” I snap, a little harsher than I intended.