Page 92 of Shattered Oaths

“You chose the moment you decided to lie.”

My head snaps toward the sound of the new voice. The sound ofhervoice and my heart stills in my chest when I find Bella standing on the porch, her arms clutched tightly around her small body as she stares at me with a look so empty it makes my stomach turn.

Despite the storm of emotions waging a war inside of me, relief fills me at the sight of her.

God, how I’ve missed her.

She looks slightly thinner than the last time I saw her, confirming my suspicions that she hasn’t been eating. Her eyes are red rimmed and dark circles have formed beneath them. Her tanned skin is paler than I’ve ever seen it, yet she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

But it’s her clothes that have my heart threatening to claw its way out of my chest.

My sweater.

When I’d dropped off a bag of her clothes and toiletries yesterday, I’d expected her to throw the sweater out. Or rip it apart.

But the fact that she’s wearing it causes the smallest amount of hope to bubble inside of me.

I take a step toward her. “Bella.”

“Go home, Noah,” she says, and I drop my head, my eyes closing as I soak up the sound of my name on her lips, even if she is dismissing me.

The sound of the front door opening has my head snapping up just as she steps inside and closes it behind her, not sparing me a backward glance.

“You heard her,” Killian says, all the anger gone from his voice now.

I look at him, taking in the familiarity of his face, picking out all the features that are so similar to his sisters. His eyes lack the hatred they held only moments ago, now shining with something else entirely.

Pity.

And it’s then that I realise the same thing he has.

Bella’s right.

I did make my choice.

For so many years, I chose him.

I broke promises and told lies in a desperate attempt to keep our friendship.

But worst of all, I usedhimas my excuse.

Because I knew from that very first moment she kissed me, that Bella would be my undoing, the only person in the world capable of bringing me to my knees. And that scared me shitless.

And so, I lied. I lied and I ran and I watched from afar as she fell in love with someone that wasn’t me. And every day, I blamed Killian for being the reason I would never have the one person I’ve ever wanted.

When really, the only person to blame was myself.

CHAPTER 40

BELLA

Grief is a feeling that every person on earth experiences in their lifetime. It’s predictable yet painful. It’s expected whilst also being unexpected. It’s the feeling of knowing you’re never going to get to see, speak to or hold the person you love ever again. It’s an emotion that is spoken about so widely. An emotion that oftentimes brings people together in the worst moments of their lives.

But not many people talk about what it’s like to grieve somebody that is still alive.

Nobody talks about what it’s like to grieve the future you had planned in your mind, the conversations had, the quiet moments in the dark where you tell each other your wildest dreams and everything feels like it could be possible.

Nor do they talk about what it’s like to grieve a person you’ve never really known.