Page 44 of Shut Up and Drive

“Don’t you dare leave me in here!” he shouts. “Fina!”

“I’ll be right back and ready to help in a few minutes, okay?” I say, then race across the parking lot as fast as my bowels will allow.

I can hear him banging on the door as I run away, and I laugh at the opportunity I seized to get revenge.

The aromatic smells of the coffee shop hit my senses the moment I walk in, which gives my guts that last little push to the finish line. I weave my way through the tables and make it just in time to relieve myself in their very clean, very un-creepy bathroom. Then, to show appreciation for the much more pleasant experience than what Thane is having right now, I buy a box of donuts on my way out and thank the barista. When I get back to the gas station, the fire department is cutting the door open with a saw. My heart drops when I see Thane’s laser-red eyes glaring at me through the human-sized hole they just finished. He is covered in sweat, chest heaving, when he makes his way toward me. I maintain eye contact as I dive into the driver’s seat and lock the doors, knowing that I’ve kicked a hornet’s nest. He stands next to my window and mouths at me to open it. I shake my head and play dumb like I don’tunderstand. I know I’m playing with fire at this point, because Idefinitelydidn’t think this through. But I’m up to my eyeballs in trouble now, and commitment to the prank is the only thing I have left to cling to.

One of the firefighters comes over, hands Thane his phone, and pats Thane on the back. He says something I can’t quite hear and laughs. Although Thane laughs along, I can see that it’s fake. He’s furious, and every ounce of that rage is about to be unleashed onto me.

Thane moves to the passenger side and points at the lock. I know at some point I need to face the music of my mischief, so I sigh in surrender and hit the unlock button. Nothing could have prepared me for the stench that follows Thane into that tiny car as he sits down. I open my mouth to speak and he raises a hand to stop me.

“Not. One. Word.”

Then he buckles his seatbelt, and I roll down all four windows.

I put the car in drive and get a few miles down the road before I lose it. My laughter booms throughout the car. Thane slowly turns toward me, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead where I sit. The more I try to stop, the harder it becomes, and now I know why he insists on torturing me. It’s pretty fun to be on the other end of it.

He stares at me, unamused, and I’m laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my cheeks. The wind whips through the windows and blows my hair into my face, so I have no choice but to roll them up.

“Did you know that the sewer in that bathroom is backed up? I didn’t until the firemen came. And did you also know that there is no exhaust fan—oranycirculatingair in there, for that matter—insaidbathroom? It was over a hundred degrees in there. It was like swimming in a crockpot filled with poop soup.”

The imagery throws me over the edge and I’m cackling.

“Not funny, Fina. That wassobelow the belt.”

“Did you at least wash your hands?”

“Really?That’swhat you’re most concerned with right now? If my hands are clean?!”

I laugh harder. “Yes. I saw the inside of that bathroom. It was filthy!” I say between gasps.

“You think if they can’t even fix their sewer issues or their faulty doorknob that they’re going to havesoapstocked in there?”

“I’ll take that as a no, then.” I immediately turn toward a Walmart. “Not only do you need to go in and wash your hands, but you need to change your clothes. You smell terrible.”

He shakes his head and stares out the window. I force away the urge to laugh all over again.

I park the car as close to the door as possible, and turn off the ignition. He’s swearing under his breath as he moves to the trunk and digs through his bag for a change of clothes, then sulks ahead of me into the store. I follow behind and go immediately to the aisle with garbage bags and buy a box of heavy-duty, lemon-scented ones. I’m waiting by the car when he comes back out, and I hold open a garbage bag for his clothes. He throws them in with a tight-lipped expression.

I have never pissed him off so much that he has no comeback, and I wonder if I took the joketoo far. To try and smooth things over, I grab the donuts from the back seat.

“I bought donuts,” I say, offering him the open box.

He looks at the donuts and back at me. “I could not have any less of an appetite than I do right now, thanks to you.”

When I start laughing again, he points his finger in my face until my eyes cross, then he says low and menacing, “This means war, Spencer.”

Chapter 17

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FARTS

Thane

Ipout in the passenger seat for a few miles. Sera knows how much I hate bad smells, and she totally exploited the opportunity to make me suffer.

I sigh heavily. “Aren’t you going to apologize?”

Sera keeps her eyes steadily on the road, but a smile cracks her bright red lips. “For what exactly?”